STAND !

I am beggining to understand much of the way that the Dixie Chicks must have felt through thier ordeal. Free speech only goes so far in this country anymore - that is unless you go against the ways of how some people really feel. The first amendment only means so much, when people don't agree on certain things such as religion, politics, raising children, or even standing up for what is right anymore no one wants to hear it unless it is what they like. I sure have found myself guilty of this at times, but usually I am the one who goes against stream, walks to the beat of a different drummer or some of many other sayings. When people only sit and complain about gas prices and then go buy it - filling thier cars- running all over only to do it again - where was I ...... well, on several occasions I sat at home - refusing to go anywhere - even on vacation if need be, however on other several occasions I stood with a sign on the highway urging people to STOP purchasing gas - how can people sit and complain then do the same thing they are complaining about - the gas companies don't care they are taking your money which means YOU are the one who is stupid ... especially if you are going to pay for it. I mean they are the only ones whose houses and cars you are paying for - thier boats and summer cottages, thier vacations, expensive parties - and why is it that no one can take a good long hard look and see this stuff going on.

Sure I have spent the last few days in a funk because of how people interperet how I feel, then assume things about me or my life that are un-true, but that is just me - the real me. I can't be someone other than I am - so for me NOT to stand up for the things that I believe in would be preposterous ! I am not the kind of person to lie about something, if you ask me something and want for me to respond, then expect the truth. I am not going to sugar coat things just so that some one will be my friend, I am not going to just appease you to keep things on some ok level with YOU. I am not perfect - by no means - trust me - I have many stories to tell - however I do try to always do my best at everything I do. No longer do I totally give up (even though sometimes -like lately- it takes time) I have learned alot through the years going through some of the things that I did. But through it all I "think" I have come out to be an even better person. So that must mean by the time I am 80 I should be just about perfect !!!! :O) Just kidding. But I hope that you get my point. I had thought all night about what my next blog would be, if I would do one at all, or if it should be focused on this or that. I thought that maybe I would share a few stories that I have about my childhood that I had never shared before, some of the good things and bad things that I remember. How I can remember every teachers name I had, things they would wear, how they smelled, how they looked - both at church and school. How playing with my cousin Gary at Grandpa and Grandma's was the best thing ever on this planet. How playing in the dirt with hot wheels or he-men was one of my fave things to do ever in this world when I was little. How swimming was THE best thing ever to be invented and the ONLY thing I EVER wanted to do in life ......... while on the other hand, taking the good with the bad, how I was teased in school, raped, molested and my parents did not care - I was told to shut up. How I had to give up swimming after that " certain age", because it was now innapropriate to wear a suit in public. (this came after I was molested.) How my father had me commited to a mental home in the 8th grade because he thought I had gone insane or something - never bothering to even figure out why or talk to me , how he'd make my mother feel like crap when she'd had to go through 19 surgerys and had cancer 4 times and chrohns disease. How he'd never visit her in the hospital, How he'd make her get down on the floor and scrub it only to walk back through it with his muddy shoes on. Why she took this for years I don't know, but now I realize she is strong and she stood ----- but in her own way the only way she knew how or could. I could share how I resent my father now for all of that, but I realize that in my growing up I looked to my Grandpa for a man to look up to and so my husband is soooooooo much like that. There are Hardly any men like that today, men who try to be one with thier spouse or when married know that it is a partnership - you must work together to get anywhere and yes, at times agree to disagree. I am glad that I had the likes of my Grandfather to grow up around a man of his values in his generation are great assets to this country. Thes are only a few things about me that I thought of sharing, but it was not my main objective for today.

I really wanted to say that sure, it hurt alot that so many people have done things to me and that I have very little trust anymore for alot of people - sometimes I get anziety attacks when I have to be near people, so I would rather just not do it. But even though there are issues that I have - who don't ????? Who would honestly say that there isn't one thing they would change if they could ? I mean, Mr. Rogers said it best when I was little .... he'd sing a song that went something like .... "There's only one in this wonderful world ...... You are special " ... does anyone remember that ? I also remember him saying that it was most important to always be yourself, that when you do people will like you for you, etc. Now, that is the only show besides Sesame Street I can really remember watching as a child, but obviously it did make some sort of an impact as to how I am today.

When someone tells me that I can't do something, I usually DO IT, just because they say I can't - sure some of those instances have gotten me into alot of trouble, but that is exactly me. Now, that does not mean that since I had mentioned to my father once that I would like to sing country and his response was "fat and short girls aren't accepted in the country world dear" ... that I really want to or will ever sing country music, but I reallly do like it. For me music is an outlet of many kinds, even if it is country and alot of people don't like it. There are those oh so lovely stereo types that folks get when you say that you listen to country and usually it goes like " oh - YOU listen to country - huh ? What a shame." Like I am some sort of inbreed or corn in my teeth kinda gal or something. Isn't that funny ???? Shoot, I lived near NYC for years, the farthest place from the country ever, but it is also one of my fave places on this earth as well. Hec, I don't care - I like it and that is all that matters to me ! Stereo types - I think of rock and then I think drugs .... rap, I think pants off your ass - gangster ....... my word, there are tons of "types" that people label others with and I guess I just have to learn to do a better job at handling the many critics of life. They are everywhere !

I know I have some pretty outlandish views on certain things, sure Disney isn't all that bad, but I myself, just cannot stand those little teenie bopper shows, like Hannah Montana - or High School Musical ---- however the kids movies like "Toy Story" or "Cars" are far better. My fave are "Aladdin" or "Beauty and the Beast" .... now, notice I never said that everyone has to agree on that, I myself, just don't care for them. I don't care for the money aspects of it all - how I feel they use the kids on them shows to make money because it is an obvious money maker - how it is ALL over Wal- Mart when I walk in - like it was Christmas Time or someting .... how everyone on Disney somehow also has a CD that they do to sell to kids - and they could say whatever and the kids don't understand or care - just as well as some parents don't. I could go on for hours. I just am not going to add fuel to thier fire - essentially giving them what they want. But that IS just ME. I HAVE that right t o my opinion. I guess if you don't like it than that IS too bad, but it is MY opinion - not because I am some religious nut case. I just am a pretty adament person when it comes to things that I want to stand up for or against.

Do you see where I am going with this ? I am nor was I ever trying to push my ideals onto others, but I do have the right to speak my mind - you don't have to like it - you don't have to read it - you don't have to agree. I am me, and that is all I can be !

Now, I know the last few days have been kinda rough for me - but I think for the most part I am over it now. Somethings will still continue to bug me as they always have - but things happen for a reason - and what really matters is what is in my house - my hubby, my kids, my cat, my interests like Nascar or swimming, country music or traveling. The friends I have. I have come to realize; that real friends, whether or not you agree or like what you have to say are there for you. I appriciate that more than words can ever say. You know, in my "Earthrise" blog I had up the other day I mentioned how un-important some things really are, how insugnifficant some things really seem ----- you see the world from the moon and realize that they are so many more things that you can worry about or have to deal with that some of the things we do everyday. Then again .... that IS only my opinion !!!! :O)

I hope that you all have a good weekend. I have decided to do alot around here throughout most of it, I re schedueled my IVIG for Tuesday, so there are alot of other things to get done around here. Cameron's birthday is next Friday -he'll be three , omg ! - and I still have to shop and order the cake, so I will be busy with that. The only thing he likes is "Thomas the Train" stuff - so that should be fun - I have a hard time trying to find that stuff ! We had also thought about going to the Mall of America again - they have an aquarium inside and he'd just love that !!! Trouble is with four kids, it is a bit pricey, but something we are thinking about. The closest one other than that is the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago, and I am so not in the mood to go home right now, so that is out. But I am sure that we'll figure out something.

So I am off, I have to go paint .... for all my patient friends I will have pictures next week ! NOOOOO exceptions this time !!!!! :O) Have a great weekend everyone - I hope that I didn't ramble to much in this today !!!! Lordy !!!! :O)

TAMMIE

p.s. How ironic that I have a link to Toby Keith's new song in my blast and I talked about the Dixie Chicks .... lol .... how different they both are, how they disliked eachother, yet they are so much alike in the way they "stand" as well.

AND OMG .... I just found out that GARTH BROOKS is coming back - he'll have a show in KC ..... I SOOOOOOOOOOOOO wanna go !!!! I may have to miss Keith Urban here, but GARTH ....OMG !!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!! I JUST LOVE GARTH !!!!!