Today is pro - life day. Which I am a huge supporter of ... and also one of my TWO reasons for writing this particular blog !
Just under one year ago today (9 days to be exact) we lost our son; Wyatt Josiah; to a miscarriage. I was 12 weeks along. Now I know, I know...... one has NOTHING to do with the other .... or do they.
I have had SEVERAL people give me remarks that he was not human, not a baby, inviable, a hunk of nothing, "oh you can have more" "atleast you weren't far along" ... when all those times I thought to myself, how very insensitive. But you see, Wyatt would have been our 6th baby and I had let others get into my head about how the feministic part of the world felt about this, about us not ever choosing to use birth control and wanting to let the Lord choose the size of our blessings. It certainly did not help with my thoughts that coming off of such a HORRIBLE year that we had just had that we needed that, so I began to wonder just what on earth was God thinking...
I questioned God and his eternal ever knowing ... I questioned what others thought and the way I have felt since I held my very first child. I scoulded God one very frustrated day and told him he had lost his mind.. that the saying 'he wouldn't give me more than I could handle' was being ignored.
10 days later we lost him. Goshhh, I sure felt guilty. I felt that I had caused this. That God was punishing me for the doubt I had. Where was all my faith about how I would let God guide and provide ?? The feelings flooded me. I felt anxious at some of the others who had scoffed at me and said those hurtfull things about even having 6 children, yet, I still just didn't see how they didn't understand my choices.
Well, Wyatt, was not a total loss.. as I held him in the palm of my hand - only hours after hearing his heart beat for the first time - I realized that at even at just 12 weeks... he was sooooooo very perfect and in every way ! EVERY SINGLE little detail was in it's exact proper place ! (Fingers, toes, eyes, ears and nose ....) Sure, while he was not ready for the outside world, he was MOST definitley a baby !
Ever since that time, my feelings on Pro-Life have grown 150 times stronger. Maybe God wanted for me to feel this and know that ALL life matters. Maybe God had to use my experience to help others .. who knows. Really, maybe that is just something I wish would happen or would like to believe, but God has a purpose for everything AND everyone on this earth. It was not right for me to doubt the very thing I was supposed to be standing up for.
My coalation of the two, however did not happen until I realized after holding him and NOT wanting him out of my body, others HAD in fact done this same thing by 'choice'. I was astonished, and In choosing to watch an abortion being done and how the baby actually tried to get away from what had been happening to it .. naturally that made me cry and pretty much hysterically so.
There are times I get confused ... when you hear about a woman who was pregnant on the news who had been murdered and the quilty person was being charged with 2 murders.. then in the same breath let someone CHOOSE to do this and NOT be charged with anything. I am sorry if anyone feels different, but it IS murder ! Sure maybe it wasn't under the best circumstances or you hadn't PICKED "the right time" .. you chose to be with every Tom, Dick and Harry or (insert an excuse) you weren't prepared. God was. He worked a miracle in that person. The miracle of life.
Have you ever watched on how conception happens or read a book on the topic ? NO ONE could replicate that ... no one could be as perfect and make things the way God has. It is life and it was meant to happen. God has a purpose and ever knowing that we cannot fathom. He knows what each of us is to do before we are ever born. So to make a choice that has you playing God, deciding that this life or that life should not be here, then makes abortion murder.
If you still do not see my point .. please tell me then WHEN do you draw the line ? Is it okay to kill a baby at 6 months ? 6 years ??? or a person at 66 years ? What makes your selfish want for choosing okay ?? ....and be HONEST ! That is exactly what it is ! YOU want to have the say.. YOU want control, YOU want to be able to do what you want to do, when....
To me, there is NO difference. They ought to legalize murders of any kind if they insist on doing abortions, because it is all the same. A Life is a Life... does it not have meaning anymore what ever age you are ?
When a heart starts beating, when cells merge... it IS A life ! God has a purpose for THAT life. It isn't up to humans to know how or why ... Maybe it is a blessing that you are throwing back at God.. maybe it was meant for your good, not harm. No baby is ever wrong !
Writing this reminds me of what people would say, how it might effect me, but for once I don't care. I will speak my mind and others thiers if they may .. but the ones who are taken .... can't say anything.
Writing this can also lead me down the road of how I don't believe in birth control or the death penalty .. how life to me, is the utmost beautiful thing on this planet and if taken away will lead to utter extinction at its finest and the cease of all life. Living today, looking at your beautiful chldren, the sky, the stars, the moon.. how can one assume there is no God ?? and how can one assume that humans should have the right to take what God has planned to make the very presence of life continue to be thier own ?
Sometimes as adults we think we understand, but do we really ?
It is with a VERY HAPPY, HAPPY heart today that I write that 9 days until the one year mark that we lost our son, Wyatt; we are now EXPECTING again, with the due date of the 23rd of September, 2010.
How can one ever hold a newborn and NOT fall in love ? The greatest feeling of all. A true Blessing from God above !
TAMMIE
CONGRATS!!!!! I so didn't see that ending coming....I am so happy for you!!!!!! God is Good!!!!
ReplyDeleteCongrats!!
ReplyDeleteTammie Girl....since you already know I don't agree with you, and we've long ago agreed to disagree, I'm agonna say...
ReplyDeleteI skimmed to the end so I could get to the important part. :)
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
What an amazing blog. I agree 100%, while we're not a quiverfull family, I can't argue with those who are! (DH had a vas. after our 3rd son, with that hasty decision heavy on our hearts,we're opening our hearts and homes to foster children now) Anyway, thanks for the wonderful blog and honesty and a huge congrats and prayers for a healthy baby this year!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a blessing you are! I am 11 weeks today with my third baby! Enjoy this new baby in your womb with all of your heart and the wisdome the Lord has given you!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! Congrats!
ReplyDeleteAmazing story, Tammie. I linked to your blog from something Amy Morris posted on FB. My husband and I read your story together and sat for the longest time looking at the picture of your precious boy. We too are quiverfull (with 6 children... praying for #7). I'll be posting this on FB as well. Again, amazing! Thank you for sharing your heart.
ReplyDelete~k
This is an great blog post that is well thought out and honest. The only other point that no one ever makes about unborn babies is that they have a new DNA which mean they are not part of the womans body just a temporary resident.
ReplyDeleteThank You all for your thoughts.. I am so overwhelmed with how the Lord has brought this all about. My ONLY wish is that even though he may have never walked this earth, he may touch the lives of many.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post. I love the picture....it speaks a 1000 words all on its own.
ReplyDeleteGod's Blessings to you and your family.
Thankyou for sharing and standing for Zoe-life! I love the pics of all of your children, and saved the one of Wyatt to show to my family and others. He is so sweet, and such a powerful warrior for God! I am proud of him with you...Cherishing all, michelle
ReplyDeleteHi Tammie,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for posting this -hopefully it will open peoples eyes and touch their hearts.
Many blessings and congratulations.
I'd just like to point out, Tammie, that if Wyatt was your 6th baby, you are now expecting your SEVENTH baby! Congrats!
ReplyDeleteTammie,
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks -- how could any doctor look at a baby like Wyatt, and say it is just a blob of tissue? He's perfect, in your hand, just the way he would have been in your arms if he'd lived. I see everything that makes me human, in his little body, in the palm of your hand. I can understand ignorant mothers not knowing the truth, but ProChoice doctors do not have that excuse! With all their training they know that a baby is alive from conception! How the enemy of our souls laughs in glee, at murder being justified by the very experts who know that it is a human being in the womb. God Bless You, and I hope the new precious life growing inside you becomes your 6th child, perfectly normal and healthy in every way
Kerri
Aloha,
ReplyDeleteI linked to your blog from my friend Melissa Johnson's Facebook page. She didn't know that I had just gone through my first miscarriage, this past weekend. When I saw this picture, my heart just wept...and rejoiced as well. As a Christian I am so very sad that I (and you) lost a precious baby, but also as I Christian I rejoice because we will see them one day!
Thank you for your amazing honesty and STANDING FOR LIFE!!! I also do not believe in birth control and often feel like my friends think I'm a little crazy.
I signed up to follow you because I can already tell that I LIKE YOU! I have a little blog on here as well and find that it clears my head to write.
Thanks again for sharing the story of Wyatt. God bless you and your entire lovely family!
Beautiful <3
ReplyDeleteI, too, lost my 6th baby. He was 14 weeks gestation at death; he was delivered at 16 weeks. His pictures have helped show many people the reality of a child in the womb being a CHILD.
Thank you for sharing.
Tammie, I hope doesn't come off as insensitive...but I could barely get through the first part of your blog post..you see a friend posted this link on her facebook page and I clicked the link to find a blog that looks exactly like my own (same background), I saw the picture of your sweet baby Wyatt, while I sit here nursing my 8 week old baby Wyatt, who happens to be our 6th child. I'm in tears, and I'm not sure why, I guess it sets me back when circumstances line up so similarly yet so different, and why was it brought to my attention? We are finding ourselves at the crossroads trying to decide about our fertility. We are certainly against certain forms, but question our ability to be the people God called us to be in this area of our life. I am rambling now, and will go back up and read the rest of your post.
ReplyDeleteTammie just now saw this...very similar to my little one I held...but was my first preg and sadly feel it was due to pill still in my system that made the lining not hold...I was at 8 wks and just a little less developed but the same thoughts you had were the ones I had...I went from "pro-life" to "EXTREME PRO-LIFE" and have shared w/all the teen girls I can and everyone else...that I did not hold a blob..it was most definitely a baby...and really only 6 wks from conception and the buds had started for the fingers, etc. I regret I did not take a picture...I was so upset/distraught I did not think of it and the doc ended up keeping it another regret. We were blessed to conceive our firstBORN less than 3 mos later...she is 15 now and her middle name is Arabella...it means "God Answered Prayer" he so did. She is now the oldest of soon to be 9! Thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteBlessings! (BTW, just starting the blog world, you know me as Rebecca D on FB)
Just seeing this. I came from Caleb's Ministry. In April I lost my sixth child at just under 13 weeks. He was just beautiful. I held him in my hands too. I delivered him at home in the middle of the night about three weeks after he had died. It broke my heart, but I was so grateful for the chance to "meet" him. I hope we will be able to give him a younger brother or sister one day. In case you are interested, photographs of him can be seen here (along with photographs of other babies at different weeks) [http://lostinnocentsorthodox.blogspot.com/p/photographs.html]. Innocent can be found under the 12 weeks heading.
ReplyDeleteI have always been against abortion. Seeing my son in my hand, so perfect (I could see fingernails!!!)... how could anyone make the decision to destroy one of God's blessings?