I am still sitting here, overwhelmed, not knowing what to do or where to start. That is ok for a day right ?
Anyway, in my need of wanting someone to talk to in all this, Can you all please do me a favor ?
First - I want this to be about you guys, NOT me ...
So second - Can you please tell me what things depress you ? What might be something that gets you down in the dumps ? What have been the worst times for any of you ?
If you don't mind sharing that with me.
I think it would help me to feel not so alone right now.
Thank You.
Tammie.... Life is very stressful!! I think we all get stressed and down in the dumps over things in life and I know relationships and finances are probobly number one stressors in many peoples lives.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I think what you are dealing with in your life is incredibly rough, I am sorry for that and wish there was something I could do to help you. But you have 5 beautiful children right now who need you to keep your head up and move forward. As difficutl as that may be now and for awhile they will look up to you so much for getting them through this. You will find away to get out of this mess. There are many resources out there for you and you need to take advantagre of every avenue out there you can!!!
I think depression is a serious medical problem that peope take too lightly. I can say to you that I know I do. I get down in the dumps and want to say I am "depressed" however I never have suicidal thoughts or want to do anythign to harm myself or others. I want attention. I want people to feel sorry for ME...... I admit I have felt that way before! I have wanted to isolate myself and go curl up in a ball and not deal with the problems but lets face it, that will not get us anywhere right???
If you are having bad thoughts and REALLY are going through a depression that I think you DO need to seek medical help. I have a neighbor who's daughter killed herself right before we moved in, shot herself right in the heart due to a "broken" heart and no one ever knew she was depressed. Later found journals and alot of information that proved she suffered from this for a looong time. It is so sad and tragic. People dont realize how much help ther is for people who suffer from this.
I hope you realize you are not alone. People love you and care for you. You are going through a difficult time right now but you WILL Prevail!! Keep your head afloat with a positive attitude and you will get by! SOmehow... but you will!!
If you want this just about me, then here goes. I'm generally a happy person. I really am. But it sets the bar high, so that when something is getting me down or I'm having a bad day it's like worlds collide and everything shuts down.
ReplyDeleteSo - when it does get me from all angles, it's the fact that I feel like have to please everyone all the time and I'm failing if something goes out of line. And money. Money used to really get me down. Just being honest - we don't struggle with that any more, but there were times that i had one penny to my name and borrowed from pete to pay paul. That was when I was single tho, so what you're dealing with, raising a family, is got to be so hard.
Can I ask if you've ever thought about Post Partum Depression? A friend of mine was diag. almost a year after having her baby. And that can be helped.
Ok - that was about you.
I'll also be honest tho and say I don't ever feel like I've been in a depression, it's just been lows - so this may or may not even help you.
Just remember you asked for it.... k?
ReplyDeleteI don't really talk about it much, only to a few people. Depression runs in my family, I have three immediate family members that take medication for it. For me, it happens when my RA gets really bad. It has been so bad a couple of times that I needed professional help to deal with the chronic pain and feelings of hopelessness.
Today is the anniversary of my childhood best friend's death. She shot herself in the head four years ago today. A lot of her friends and family said they could not understand why she did it, how suicide was an option for her. But, I feel like I understood, because there are times when the only thing that stops me from doing it is my kids. When the pain is so unbearable, I start thinking about how I will be able to do this for the rest of my life. I worry about becoming severely handicapped, not being able to walk, having to have help getting dressed and going to the bathroom, and I just feel like I cannot keep going. I get so tired and so scared, I feel hopeless and helpless. The statistics pretty much predict that RA will be what kills me, but I am also at higher risk to have heart problems and cancer, and also other autoimmune disorders. I start thinking, well, if it is going to kill me anyway, why not get it over with sooner rather than later?
It is hard to talk about how I feel with people, because I hate the idea of people pitying me. People think I am this energetic spirited person, that is always doing something and always happy. But, I am not. I am not sure how people get that impression.... I suppose because when I am feeling crappy, I disappear for awhile. Lately it has been a little easier to deal with because I have been through it so many times now, and I know that it will pass. But that is hard to believe when I am in the midst of the darkness.
Another time I felt like I could not go on was when I lost my son, Richard. I could not understand why God did that to me. Right after I had Cody and Richard there was a story in the news about a woman that gave birth to twins and then abandoned them in a dumpster and they both died. That made me SO angry. How could God give some irresponsible woman two healthy babies, only to have her murder them and how could He give me a baby that had no hope of survival? I was bitter for a LONG time and the ONLY thing that got me through that was having Cody.
So, anyway.... you are definitely not alone Tammie.
No, you are far from alone, Tammie.
ReplyDeleteWe have all been there. For me? This will sound dumb, but I get stressed over other people's stress. Especially people I love. When something is going on with them, I go out of my way to try and help any way that I can. Then I get stressed, because either I bottle up when something is wrong with me, or maybe no one really cares.... Either way, THAT makes me more stressed. Hmm. Why do I feel alone? Why don't people care?
Of course, then there is the money thing. Every time something looks like it is going to be OK. BAM, something else happens to bring me down.
I can go on ... Haha.
Do we survive? Hell yes. And that is the key.
I have my family.
They need me.
I need them.
Nothing else matters.
Everything will get better...
Well said. I couldn't agree more.
ReplyDeleteNobody has a perfect life. Even if you have a lot of money, there are always problems. Money does not solve problems, I think it can actually bring more of them on. Money was always a problem for me, not having enough of it to get ahead. Living paycheck to paycheck and getting further and further into debt. The humiliation is real. I thankfully do not have that problem anymore, but I never forget what is was like and will do anything to prevent ever being there again.
ReplyDeleteI also struggle with self-esteem. I think most girls do! It's a daily battle.
The point is, we all have our problems, stresses and things that get us down. How we handle it is what matters. No matter how bad things get, you have to move forward with your head up and have faith that things will work themselves out. Family is everthing, hold on tight to them!
Thank you all, it is NOT really even about the house anymore, I realize the house is just a house - it is about the time and the fact that we have no where to go... and no money to do it. I am suppossed to be packed up and out in 14 days ? UGH..... yea.. homelessness has it qualities right ? Atleast the truck stop has showers.
ReplyDeleteTammie,
ReplyDeleteDepression runs strongly in my family as well. Only problem is, no one recognizes it as a problem. My Dad, My Grandad and two of my uncles have committed suicide...and still it is denied. I have had cut the ties with most family members because of this. It is my responsibility to make sure it stays far-far away from my kids, and myself. I could easily fall into the same pattern. Heck, I could anyway. But at least I know its a possibility. I was so depressed one time that they hospitalized me for dehydration and I weighed 98 lbs. My kids looked at me like I was Cruella Deville or something....which made me even More depressed.
We've definitely been through rough times. I honestly don't want to talk about them....cuz then I Will be depressed ...Again. I will tell you that we almost lost our house. Things got really, really bad. It was stressful on each of us, our relationship, and it took a long, long time to rebuild our finances and our relationship. We still have stressful times. But we know that we've been through a lot worse, so bring it on! I'm here to tell ya, It can be done. You are definitely not alone.
In reference to your last blog. I don't think it's a matter of people not caring...I think that times are getting tight for everyone these days and everyone is watching out for themselves right now.
Spend this time while you can to research. Find women's groups or a church that may be able to help you. You are a good mom, seriously. Show them that when times get tough the family gets tougher...together.
I'm just thinking out loud here...I hope it didn't come off as preachy. We're all pulling for you. You Can Do It.
Oh! We even lived in my In-Laws basement for a while. Good times!
ReplyDeleteOh yes, we've done that a long while ago. that was the WORST few months of my life !
ReplyDeleteI like to hear anything, I didn't find anything preachy at all.
Oh good.
ReplyDeleteWe were very thankful. Don't get me wrong. But it's very hard to Be a parent when you're Being Parented.
Oh yes... I remember that all to well. I didn't do anything right or her way and it was like living in a slave camp. One good reason I don't want to go back to Indiana...I just don't want to rely on that.... or MY family of depressed people that will make me even more depressed.
ReplyDeleteHey Tammie! You are not alone my friend. I don't know how many times I have been worried about losing my home and we've filed bankruty twice. I am embarrased by that myself. We lost our first home, it was a mobile home but it was mine. We were told we would have at least a month or two after our bankruty to get out and we only ended up having 15 days like you. I only had 3 at the time but it was still very scary not knowing where to go or what would happen. Our credit was terrible and no one wanted to rent to us. We looked and looked and looked finally found someone to rent to us but it was an awful house and I cried the first night we were in it. We then found our last place and it was a big step up from where we were but then this house we are living in came along. So what gets me down the most and depressed is not knowing where I am going to live or how I am going to pay the bills. MONEY in general I suppose. I even asked God "WHY give this house to me to just throw us back into something nasty or no place to go." I just have given it all to him and I still have to every day to not go mad over worry. I still encourage you to call agency and your local Churches. Our Church helped us out a lot when Jeremi was without work. Don't think you can't at least ask because God does care and he wants to help!! I know that sometimes agency will help after you are homeless. Stupid if you ask me but that might be something to look into my friend!!! I have been paying for you and believing something is going to go in your favor!!! Big hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteI dunno where to begin. I get depressed about quite a bit but my resilience snaps me outta it. I get depressed about being depressed. I get depressed about my weaknesses (even though I know I'll always have them) and how I can never seem to change certain characteristics of mine. I get depressed about where I'm at in life. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for all I have, for my family and friends and my job but I just wish I was doing more with my life. I get depressed about finances and money and savings and all that junk. I get depressed aout my procrastination and all the things I could be doing to prevent me from being depressed. I get depressed about being fat and not in fit. I get depressed about my lack of self-control and will power. I get depressed sometimes when I look around at my friends and I feel like no one cares Ieven though I know that's not true). I get depressed when there's continuously gray skies or no sun. I get depressed when work is overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteBut overall, I know that whatever I go through, no matter how hard it is, I know it's something to overcome and a reminder that life will have it's struggles and challenges. After all, how are we to remember and cherish the good times if we didn't have the bad?
I think that is so true!
ReplyDeleteWell finding out my husband cheated on me and had an ongoing "friendship" with the woman he cheated on me with was pretty high on my list. I've still been pretty down in the dumps about that... I've been doing a lot of shopping, which is how I know I've been depressed. (emotional shopper here)
ReplyDeleteLove you babe. God doesn't put more on you than you can stand... things will get better.
What gets me down the most? I'd say other people negative or abrasive behavior. But I'm working on it. God gave me a husband that does have an abrasive attitude from time to time. It's never at me...always at inanimate objects. But it got to me just the same as getting mad at me. My hubs knows this and we work on it together. I'm realizing his anger isn't at me...it's at the computer or whatever. But I've always been like that. I remember I used to cry and get so stressed out when my dad or mom yelled at me (nothing major...just the normal mom or dad yelling at you). Even in past relationships with ex-boyfriends. One had a very negative and abrasive attitude...I just could not handle it. I don't know why...but that's just how I'm wired. I think that is why I'm having such a hard time with my co-worker. But I'm learning.
ReplyDeleteAs for the worst thing to ever happen to me? I'd say the above mentioned abrasive boyfriend...that was pretty difficult. It took a few years to re-wire my brain to get me 'flying right' after that whole incident. But luckily I've my my hubs who has helped me a lot along that road.
AMENN! um,, been here recently ! Seems everything happens at once and that is what makes it all seem so hard too !
ReplyDeleteI know, I do feel a tad better, I still have a headache and am crying on and off.. but I know it will pass.
This seems to be what brings me down the most often too. Everything else in my life I can work out and figure out a way to deal with. When I am around people who are yelling or just being violent even when not toward me I shut down. My stomach knots up and I try to hide inside of myself. I have learned though to leave the room or if I am in the car to turn the radio up.
ReplyDeleteThe hardest thing I ever had to live through was my dad being sick last year. Everything else that I thought had been bad in my life until then was unimportant. Fortunatley he got a CLEAN bill of health in May.
Anney79...I know exactly what you mean. My old man ..aka ogre..is constantly bitching and complaining over everything. You name it..he complains about it. Not even the big stuff..which I could understand. It really effects me and I was counting down the minutes til he left for work. It really does wear on you and even if it's not directed at me..it effects me!
ReplyDeleteThe worst thing to happen in my life? Well, in high school I had an abusive boyfriend for 2 yrs. My saving grace was taht he dumped me because I was graduating (he was a yr younger), but that pretty much screwed me up for quite a while. I thought of killing myself; even had the scissors on my wrist. But ended up just self injuring myself (touching hot surfaces i.e. heaters, stoves, irons. and hitting walls till my knuckles bled) for a about 2 yrs. Then I met Aaron, and he took on me and all my crazy ass baggage. Thank God.
ReplyDeleteGlad I didn't end my life over that loser who made me miserable for 2 yrs. What a mistake that would have been!
But recently, what gets me upset (I wouldn't say depressed just because honestly I think that word is tossed around too much and I know that I am not actually depressed, just experiencing a rut in my life) is my life circumstances. I didn't picture myself at the age of 33 losing my house, filing for bankruptcy, not REALLY having a true path in life, and facing the possibility of having to move AGAIN in the next couple of months because the house we are renting (from 'friends' ) is 3 months behind on the mortgage and about to be foreclosed on too. So yeah. I hear ya on the stresses of not having a true place to live. And I hear ya on the no money. But just remember that you have great kids who love you! And you can probably find assistance from local shelters and churches. It truely is a humbling time in your life, but it will make you stronger. Honest. It is a tough lesson but the toughest ones in the end are always the most valuable. I know that isn't what you want to hear, but I was saying it for my own sanity as well! :) You WILL make it through this Tammie, I just know it!
It's wonderful that everyone is sharing to show you that you are alone. We all have our battles with depression whether clinically diagnosed or not.
ReplyDeleteI go through depression....from bills...money....it truly makes me sick to my stomach...I get angry....yell....or just shut down. I bottle everything up. It never lasts long though.
As a matter of fact I was fine most of the day yesterday and remembered that I have yet to pay my car payment and mortgage that was due on the 1st....then I started shutting down. I was quiet and really didn't want to be bothered. I just want to go in my room and shut myself off to the world. John kept asking me what's wrong. I didn't want to talk. He made me go to the park with him and the boys and that really made me snap out of it. To see the kids running and laughing.
I am so thankful that this is the outlet that I have to help me get through my hard and good times. The friends I have met on here have made a HUGE difference in my life. It helps me knowing that I'm not the only one that is going through these issues.
You will get through this. If you think you need to go to the doctors and get some help. Hugs.
So many people are afraid to talk about depression, which I've never understood. I think I'm a borderline personality, myself. My mother, brother, grandmother, uncle....all take medication for depression. One of my best friends IRL suffers from it, as well. But she knows she can call me and tell me about it, because I get it. I watched my mom deal with it my whole life. I know where she's coming from, even without feeling it as badly myself.
ReplyDeleteWhat gets me down? Work. When work drains me, I disappear from here. Because I WON'T blog about work and provide my employer with anything to fire me over. Not that I think they read my blog...I'm just paranoid. Money gets me down. I can't tell you how many times I've spent and evening paying bills and end the evening crying. For years I couldn't make any headway, I was merely treading water. When my cat was diagnosed with diabetes, I had no idea how I was going to squeeze $100+ a month out in medication for her. Whenever I get an unexpected bill, I freak. The reserves just aren't there yet. I am constantly flipping out about money.
There are some great stories here that really show how one can overcome what they thought wasnt possible. I know that you guys will figure something out. It may be uncomfortable for a while, but it will get better. (been thinking about ya today but didnt get online).
ReplyDeleteSome of the worst times in my life was being physically abused by my exhusband. He was in the Navy when I had Meg. He just couldnt control his temper. He did terrible things to me that I dont even want to bring up...its long gone from my past and been forgiven even. If you really want to know then we can, but I dont want to get into it. After an episode was over he would be so sorry that he did it, cried a river and told me that he loved me and would never do it again. Dumb ass me believed him. I didnt really have a home to go HOME too because my parents had divorced and they were rebuilding their life (Im sure they would have taken me in but I didnt want to go). This is how i felt though and at the time I didnt have a job and felt really alone...I wanted to believe him so bad and I did...until the next time..I was caught in a vicious cycle. I didnt want Meg to grow up without a Daddy. I didnt want to be hurt either, and I lived with the secret alone. So many times I wanted to reach out and tell someone but was too scared of what might happen if I did...I was stupid. Meg grew and something just hit me one day that I couldnt let her get old enough to see or hear the things he would do and Meg's happiness was SO much more important than mine I guess because that's when I got the strength to do something about it...
I did..and I met Nick. To this day my ex says I was his only true love. He will tell me on holidays in passing that he still loves me. He says he will never stop. He is remarried and a really good Dad to Meg. He does all he can to help her and be there for her. He was hurt really bad when I left but we remained friends so that Meg could have both her parents. This took a lot of time but I eventually forgave him.
Anyway sorry I wrote a book...that was a dark spot in my life...We worried back then about money too when he got out of the military and didnt get the job of his dreams. We lived paycheck to paycheck...so I know how you feel.
It is good to realize that you are not alone. Look at this as a challenge...dont let it take you down..rise up and do what you can..your children will see and learn from your strength! HUGS TO YOU..
Awww sorry you are still feeling bad I hope if you start feeling too low that you will go see a doctor and not let it get worse, there are a lot of people who care about you not to mention those little ones that would be lost without their momma. Many prayers are being lifted for you my friend.
ReplyDeleteFirst off you are not alone in feeling like when you are down something else comes along and makes you feel even worse. I think I’ve always said that, when something bad goes wrong it always seems like something else goes wrong. And it always seems to be something that involves money. And it sure doesn’t help that the economy seems to be getting worse and worse.
ReplyDeleteSo what stresses me out? Probably money and paying the bills. Like I said, it always feels like we pick ourselves up and something else comes along and whacks us down.
As for what I do when I feel down. At first I may hide away but slowly I pull myself out because I start thinking it’s not worth it to get me down. And I rise up to the challenge because I’m one not to let anyone knock me down. Does that make sense?
And you know what? If you feel you need to seek extra help don’t feel ashamed about it. Remember you have kids who truly need you and love you! They will understand if mommy needs to take time for her, you know?