eh

I am blogging and don't know why. I have stayed up all night as the thoughts won't leave my head about having to move to no where.

I haven't eaten in over 30 hours and I don't want to, my stomach hurts so much from throwing up.

I guess I am blogging as my diary, a way to help me through this somehow ... but right now I don't want to be a downer to anyone, so I understand or hoping that you don't want to read... this is basically for my own entertainment, I suppose.

I was hoping that I wouldn't wake up today .. hoping that the sun wouldn't show it's ugliness through my windows.

I have been here before and I am contemplating going to the hospital, however with no medical insurance, I feel what is the point ....get more bills I can't pay ?. ....and I refuse to be labeled as a wacko.

This world today sucks, it is full of horrible greedy people who care nothing about anyone except what they can do for them or how much money they can get. I hate that I have had 5 kids in this world today.

I also feel like I should be with the rest of the Meth users in my family, maybe that is all I was intended for, being the actual white trash I was told I should be while living in a trailer. My kids deserve a better person than I am, they deserve to have the best of everything and A HOME.

I feel like I have let them down, I have let God down, I am a no good loser.

I know ya'll want to tell me things like 'no I am not' ...... but seriously, I am not in the mood for it today, I have gone to far into this hole now to get out ... there has been way to much going on here lately and the more I try to remain positive and keep my head up ... the more I try to work my way through it and be a better person, the more I just GET shoved back down. I just feel right now that my emotions have taken over my mind.

No one who has had anything to do with the whole thing with my house gives a rats ass, they don't care about my family, my kids or my life...all they care about is the love of money. They could care less how we think or feel about the situation or wheter or not it could have been avioded or handled in a different matter. NO one cares..just get out they say. just like that  ! Be homeless - they don't care, burn all your shit, they don't care....and what will it take to get someone TO listen ? HUH ?

I WANNA KNOW.

Like I said, the world today is horseshit and I wish I wasn't in it.

I am leaving the comments closed today, please understand and try to pardon the depression -it has a mind of its own...maybe it will be gone in a few days. I don't know. I don't want a pity party, so if you've read my words today .... I appologize for being so brash, but I really just needed to vent.

TAMMIE

*and I just wanna say, I have HAD  faith that god was going to help, that God was listening to me, but he wasn't he don't care... and just like everyone else - they win - we don't . The rich get richer - the poor get poorer.

Have faith and praise god even in the bad times ? Ok ? right .... oh god thank you for letting us be homelesss..... yea......