MY GUARDIAN ANGEL (inspired by Debra)

Well, Hello. I decided that today while reading a friends blog about her guardian angel, that I too would tell my story. I haven't previously told of this because of not wanting people to think of me more cookey than I already am --- I also have never told of it because I never do get many people that read my blogs.

MY STORY:

The first time I thought of angels is when I was very little, I thought they would talk to me and what not, but as you get older you get certain people that say that is just hog-wash and nonscence, so many of us lose what we thought we once knew.

Many of you close friends have been around awhile to know that my childhood was not the greatest, in it's ups and downs there were several times that I tried to kill myself.... 7 times to be exact. Throughout my 7th and 8th grade years (1987 - 88) I tried this many times after being constantly teased, ridiculed and made fun of in school. I had two teachers tell me to quit school, that I was useless and should kill myself, my parents did not care and it felt to me that no one was listening or understanding me in any way .... so then in 1989, there was the "Nair Incident" .... (now famous in my old hometown) During a day at school a bunch of the popular girls poured Nair (hair remover) on the top of my head causing me to lose alot of my hair and being made fun of even more then before. It was then I decided that I couldn't take it any longer and would try taking my life one last time - hoping that this time would produce the results that I'd wanted. I cried , I cried really hard as I cut into my arm - not because it hurt, but because my heart was hurt more, I just wanted to go far away and to not feel the pain any longer, not to feel ignored or LONELY, not to cry myself to sleep or feel depressed all the time ... I wanted to NEVER be around people ever again - I hated everyone.

As I cut, the blood ran - and I felt a really odd warmth come over me. Then a bright light I saw --- and encompassed within the bright light, was - an angel. I dropped my cutter, I looked up - and flowing in front of me in mid air was this beautiful white gown, with a lady saying to me that this could not be done, I had far too many special reasons for being here and I could not go now. Of course I thought I was losing my mind just then, but for sure she was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. Her white dress flowing like their was a breeze, she had bare feet at the bottom of the dress, and her hair was so beautiful - it was a very lucious flowing brown, with a touch of curl or wave to it, the best way I can describe this is to say that her hair looked like Mel's hair (for those of you that know her) it was breathtaking. A glow came from behind her and like I said, the warmth was that as if a heater had been placed upon me. I felt love like I had never felt before and knew instantly that I just had to listen to this thing I was seeing. I cried more , more than before - because for some reason I felt as if some one HAD heard me. Finally.

NOT since that time have I ever tried to commit suicide again and never since that time have I ever told that story to anyone. Some of you know that I regularly battle the demons in my head (what I call them) about myself, I still don't think I have much purpose here on this earth other than boring my 5 children and raising them better than my parents raised me, but I suppose that the lord and maybe a few others might have other plans or thoughts about that.

I have also had a few people that I don't know say odd things to me - like once this little old lady walked up to me, I was depressed about being so young with kids and stuff and she didn't know me ... she came to me and said - "YOU HAD CHILDREN YOUNG FOR A REASON - YOUR PURPOSE WILL COME IN THE MANY YEARS OF LIFE" ..... then she walked away from me !!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so not kidding ! She litterally knew nothing of me - nor I, of her !

 Then in February of 1999, My "GRAMMA" - Henrietta passed away, my grandma was SO beautiful to me, skinny, georgous hair, short curly brown and so very soft ! We never got along too great but we had our moments, none the less - I loved her immensely. Before she passed tho, I had come to the hospital to be with my family and accidentally stumbled/walked into the room where the doctors were there trying to get her to breathe, they said, "Breathe Henrietta, Breathe Henrietta" - as they pounded on her chest. It was then I saw her leave ..... her spirit went out of her body and a light of warmth swept by me. My jaw dropped and I was quickly escorted out of the room by the doctors to the waiting area with my Mother, Uncle and Grandfather. I was the only family in the room with her when she passed. I thought I was going insane again - I swear to this day I saw her spirit leave her body. Later, when they had her in another room, my mother, my Grandfather and my uncle came into the room - They went to her and wept hysterically, but I knew she wasn't there - she was gone.  My Grandma belived in angels - no one could ever tell her different, is this why I felt her ?  Is that why I saw her ? As they stood there and wept at her passing, she held me, she told me she was ok now..... this, .... I swear !

Weeks later - I felt something beside me sitting on the sofa in my house ... I swear it was my Grandma. It spooked me - it spooked me really badly.... and as I swear this to you right now, I told her that I couldn't think of things like this in my head, I needed her to go away and to not come back.  ----- she listened to me ---- I have never felt her like that since. I have regretted it too ---- But every now and again, I think I feel her here with me......

I don't know what this stuff means and to be honest I have not wanted to share it until now. I still worry that people will think I am nuts for thinking those things - but I swear that I am not on drugs or anything.  I just wanted to share it with all of you.

My Guardian Angel

Dear Angel ever at my side, 
how lovely you must be--- 
To leave your home in heaven, 
to guard a child like me. 
When I'm far away from home, 
or maybe hard at play-- 
I know you will protect me, 
from harm along the way. 
Your beautiful and shining face, 
I see not, though you're near. 
The sweetness of your lovely voice, 
I cannot really hear. 
When I pray, you're praying too, 
Your prayer is just for me. 
But ,when I sleep you never do, 
You're watching over me.
-  psalm 91:11-12