THANKFUL .....

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems that no matter how far you try to look into the future, it all seems that nothing will be right ? Well, today is one of those days for me. It is cold (20) and windy here and no matter how much I try and how much I hate it, I cannot seem to get warm. I have had the heater on all day - not good - waste of money, propane tank costs to much to fill, but I am freezing. Christmas stuff is going up all over and I can't walk into a store anymore with out being pelted and bombarded with everything holiday-ish imaginable. It is not going to work - my being scrooge this year, but there has been ALOT going on here this year - alot I have refused to write about - both to try to deflect stress on myself and to try to ignore for fear that I would go insane from it all.

I have been waiting for "the other shoe to drop" for months now and still it has not. For some of you who don't know we had our identity stolen and now are in the hole 26,000 dollars and just short of filing bankruptcy and now that the holidays are back upon us, we have literally NO money for anything. We will have two paydays before Christmas, however all money has to be spoken for. In times past, Wal-Mart did layaway's - but the one we have here - no longer does them, so there for we are out of idea's as to what to do .... we do not nor have we ever used credit (except for our home) and so we don't have that option - everything is done in cash and when you don't have it ..... you don't have it ..... it can be hard.

Now, please don't get me wrong, I have alot to be thankful for, so I don't mean to make it seem that I am wollowing in my own self pity .... (ugh, I am aren't I ?) .... but what is bad, ..... the worst part is ..... that I am afraid. ...You see, when we bought this house we appearantly got taken .... yet again. The title company did not do thier job and thus fore the neighbors are suing us because they say our land is thier land ... it is a REAL BIG mess. ...... and in order for us to have legal ownership of our home in our township it has to be on 2.5 acres or more ... (we supposidly have three) however now with this neighbor thing, we do not. We also can no longer afford the payments on our home as the taxes have skyrocketed and we are being charged ungodly fees for our horrible credit from our mortgage company. So as the year ends we have not been able to make payments. My father once told me that we belonged in a trailer - and that this house was too good for us - so maybe his prediction will be right. I don't know what I am going to do ... I have five kids and I want to cry. I am so tired of all this dang crap anymore. We have spent so long fighting over legal stuff and money issues that I am so just so fed up.

I am afraid of that other shoe dropping .... I am afraid of 2008 - so even though I have alot to be thankful for, I am afraid. I can say all this now because I feel free-er to de-stress myself to some degree without it bothering the pregnancy any. It was ALOT easier to ignore then, we could keep busy with little projects and stuff - but now I know as the year closes, the shoe will soon drop and has been as in times past - not in our favor. No one understands or cares about identity theft - nor do they want to deal with the reprocussions of it all .... alot of people see it as a way to make money off of another person - and that is what has happened here.

I have so many photos and want to show you all the pictures and tell you all the story of this house and how we came about it, but today I am just not in the mood.

My pastor says that when times seem bad the thing to do is count the things that you are thankful for. So, I have some pictures that I will show of what I AM thankful for. Yea, I know Thanksgiving just passed, but since I literally spent the whole ENTIRE day sleeping .... I guess this is a good as time as any.

Brittany, Hannah, Cameron and Gracie.

GRACIE ...

Adam, Cameron and Gracie .... Cameron's first time holding his little sister.

CAMERON AND GRACIE ....

(My son Jordan was at work - sorry not in any of the photos) Thanksgiving was kinda boring here - Adam spent all DAY cooking and I slept and when I awoke I felt like a heel for having done so while he was doing that all day. It seems that in years past we spent more time together - (but then again we'd go home and cooking things weren't an issue.) I am so thankful for my hubby - he has been a gem, my best friend and I don't know what I would do without him. He likes to cook and has always done most of it - and done it well too, for those of you who didn't know that, but it should be my job, (it's womens work and all) but, I am just realllly bad at it. (hahaha)

SOOOOO, even though looking at things to be thankful for sometimes is hard, .... really, really hard - that is what I am thankful for ... MY family !

And someday I know this all will not be an issue, the kids will grow and have thier own lives and families - and in my own wish, I hope to be THE best granny EVER (better than our parents- who have not) and the kids will LOVE coming home to us - wheverever that may be.