The Essence of a True Friend...

FRIENDSHIP:  In all honesty, I questioned writing this blog for a lengthy amount of time. I pondered over what to say and how to say it for many days now. I toiled with the correct words to use or statements that would make it jump out and stick in someone's mind, but all that would come, is just to write from what is in my heart. So that is what I will do.

I have had many friendships over the years, but I have never had, what I feel to be a true best friend. Not one I could tell anything too or just go to to share my feelings, anzieties, fears or triumphs with. As alot of people know I take what friendships I do have seriously. I am far from saying I am a good friend, but what I like to do is try. I atleast want others to know who I am and why I wish they would understand me before, as most do, jump to conclusions. I know we are all different, but inside we are far more similar, than we take the time to realize.

As a friend, what I look for versus what others might look for can differ in alot of ways. But maybe in understanding where I am coming from will make others think of how they can be a true friend to someone that loves them, looks up to them or considers them to be a true friend.

A wise woman once told me "Our Friends Are our Future" ... and I have found this statement to be true. It goes without saying that we should surround ourselves with ettifying friends that share in our convictions, and can encourage us. For let us always remember what we let into our lives  .... also become our hearts.

1) Knowledge : I do not think a true friend will ever truly, know everything about you. In a sence that is saying they should never stop learning or wanting to learn more about you. There is always something to learn. I find more often than not even if I have known someone a long time, there is still new things I can figure out about them every day. I like to take the time to find out thier quirks, favorite soaps of colors, scents that bring memories back, times they remember, stories they will share and basically what makes THAT person, who he or she really is.

2) Character : Take the time to make eye contact. In doing so, you are saying alot about your character. To me, someone who does, shows me that they are in fact listening to me. They have taken the time to respect what it is I am saying and taken the time to listen. I was just raised that way to believe that if you show care and concern to someone for whatever it is that they say, they can tell that through your eyes. If our eyes are the windows to our souls, should our spirits not show similar ?! Our character should be lined up with that and be mindful even though sometimes it truly can be a hard thing to do.

3) Connection : If you are not able to make eye contact with a friend because of being on a telephone or internet, let them know somehow that thier conversation IS important to you. It makes that person feel special and blessed and in the end will do the same for you. I am not the type of person who can do two things at once ... if I am talking on the phone, texting or chatting via the internet, I like to give that person I am speaking with my undivided attention. I don't want to party hear what they are saying, I want to hear all of it and know why they are saying it to me. I want to help in any way I can or have an answer if asked something. So, for me it isn't often I actually use a phone to speak to others on, but when I do, usually I schedule it so they know they have my undivided attention to whatever it is they are saying to me.

4) Drop and Run : Yes.. another hard thing at times, especially if we have littles running around, but we should always let someone know we care, by putting thier needs before our own. Sure I may have laundry to do, yard work to accomplish .. but if for some reason someone that I consider a friend needs me, there is nothing I won't do to go help. I have been known to drive 1,500 miles at the drop of a hat just to make that point. It is rarely reciprocated, but in doing so, I feel that a stance about how much you care for someone is then shown. No matter the distance, money or time it takes away from self, they are the one who should be first.

5) Know the little things : When you pay attention to the smallest details about a person, the really tiny, minute, intriquit details... that speaks volumes to so many. Alot of times it will let someone know that you do in fact pay attention when or if they think that you didn't listen. Maybe it could be that they have a symbolism for a butterfly. No one else in the world would know such a thing, but the fact that it is something you can share between the two of you or a few others is a sign that your heart is involved and invested in the friendship far more than just someone saying, hello or goodbye to you on the street.

6) Random kindness : Just because someone you consider to be a good friend exists in your life daily doesn't mean we want them to forget we care for them. If you are invested in the life of your friend, as a true friend and have a soul to soul connection with them, you can pop over one day with thier favorite brand of cookies to share with them while you sit and talk, thier favorite flower for them to see of send them thier favorite scent in a box. If you live miles apart, you can send a card, a word of encouragement or love just to brighten thier day. Just letting someone know they are thought of can mean the world to someone if they are having a rough day. Much in the same way a smile given to someone unknown can do while in passing. You are blessing someone just by your being there in some way for them and in turn, blessing yourself.

7) Differences : Even friends have differences in opinions. We are all different and will see things differently. Let them know that whether you agree or disagree, you can always be friends. It is important to a friendship to survive to know there is no tension or opportunities for misunderstandings due to disagreement. You certainly want to be heard and respected as much as they do, and even if a disagreement does arise .. it should have no bearing on a true friendship. Show them you can respect thier opinion and they will in turn do the same for you.

8) Excitement: Much in the same way that when a child enters a room and should always be greeted with love, so do friends deserve the same quality of understanding given to them. Never make a friend feel that you are "too busy" for them or they are severely ruining time away from something you want to get done, need to get done or something that has to be placed first. A true friendship is NOT about you. You may not know a reason they message or call, but the Lord does and in all things he has a plan. That particular day you can be a huge blessing to someone just by being there and listening to what they have taken the time to write or to say to you. We all know that we will run into times that it would be better to call someone back or touch base with them tomorrow, but maybe taken the time just to give yourself a break, listen to the friend and having a few seconds to rest in the process will end up being a blessing to both of you.

9) Prayer : Be in prayer for your friend at all times. We don't always know what others are going through. We don't always know everyone's full story or reasons why things are done. Speaking honestly, if you do care for a person as your friend, none of it should matter. The Lord above knows why they are in our lives and had placed them there for a reason. Though we may not know or understand the emphasis this brings, it can be of great importance. Pray each day for Gods love to reign in your friends life and in their heart. Pray for thier soul, that they might find thier place in thie world whether you agree or disagree on any given subject and pray that they know that they are loved by Jesus, forgiven and can go to heaven. What is even better as friends, is if you can pray together !!!

10) Options : As friends it is our duty to let eachother know that there are options of many kinds in the friendship. Lines that can or cannot be crossed, things that you personally like to keep private or ways that you will deal with things. I have found all of these to be useful. For instance, I had a rule with one friend of mine, that we were never, ever to borrow money from eachother. It can be something that drives a wedge in between each other and can cause riffs and discontent in the friendship. Some have options that they don't let boyfriends come between them, speaking of themselves to others (gossip) or other issues that can relate in similar ways, so setting your options and boundaries are a great way to get to know eachother or where you can tell it is time to step back and take a breather. As a friend we never want to push too hard or too far because that can sever ties and make the friendship one that will not last. Let them know they can trust, honor and respect your right to be you and you can still remain friends.

Now, I fully realize that in coming to say all this, may have made no difference to some, afterall, speaking I am one who has never had a life long friend that I would consider to be a "best" type of friend. That is not to say it will never happen, but the reciprocating of friendship should be on both parties hearts and not just one sided. Those are not true friends. When we take an interest, show, good character, add prayer and concern showing thought about that specific individual it can do a world wonder in our lives and thiers. We just have to let it do so.

Sometimes we don't always understand God's ways for doing things, his ways are not our own ... and one person's experiences will not be anothers. We all have to understand however that people in our lives are there for a reason, to teach, show or learn from one another. Whether it is a good experience is up to both people, but in the end in all things, GOD will use whatever the expeience, for our good. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Written with Love, Tammie