THE LONG TRIP "HOME" ...

AAAhhh, yes .. NUFFIN' like being home after a looooooong ride and polluting your lungs with smoke filled air  !

 So, I am back. Back at our home in Tomah, I mean.

Going "home" to where I grew up had it's good and bad moments. All in all, I am glad to live far away from the majority of it though.

Family is ... well ... family. But, It was SO very good to see my cousin; Nikki ! We were always close as kids and I do miss her an awful lot ! I have decided that from now on - she will be called my " sist-in" ...lol... (sister-cousin) acuz she was always just like a real sister to me, more than my own. She lives in Colorado now and we are planning a get together. She flew out for the funeral. The only thing missing of course was Gary, her brother ... my cousin (bro-sin) ... we were always three little muskateers growing up. Always together. I miss him so much, and wish he was still here.

My Aunt Nancy, (My mom's sister and Nikki's mom) never showed for the funeral. I mean we should have expected it, but we were all sooo very glad she didn't. Seems she took a 'spill' off a balcony window the day before, while she was high on crack .... Yeaaaaaa. Niiiiiiice, I know.

Nick was a riot though, she just kept busting out comments about Nancy and when I told her she looked like her she said she wanted to smack me. lol. I have always felt bad though that both her and Gary had such a crappy mom, if it wasn't for my Grandparents ... well, you know.

(Above pic: L-R: Me, my sister dawn, My sistin Nikki, my 2nd cousin Barb, My Mom sitting in chair, Cousin Lori and 3rd cousins Brianna and Brittany.)

It was nice to see others I hadn't seen in a while though .. my sister, some 2nd cousins, aunts, uncles and other misc.family members and some of my Grandparents friends.  I can remember everyone, but getting me to tell you all what order they go in or whom they belonged to .... Well, that will take a bit of time. lol. And? I did "talk" to my father again, but don't know that all the water is under the bridge just yet. We saw Adam's Mom and brother on our way out of town too and that was actually such a nice visit ! I am so happy for her that she has quit smoking and looks really good ! :O) During my trip, we also got to meet up with Windi just as she was leaving the area. We had breakfast at iHop with her boys. What a nice bunch they are !

The funeral though was hard. I tried not to cry quite a few times. And not to sound ignorant, but it wasn't because I didn't want him to pass away, I knew it would happen sooner or later - but rather because I knew it was all over now. I was glad that he wasn't in any pain - of course I will forever miss him, just as I will my Grandma, but the thought of them just not being there is the hardest.  Not being a part of my life, not ever being able to go to thier house again and see them. My childhood and that part of my life being over with now. That makes me very sad. I think I took alot of those times for granted ..... How selfish does that all sound ? Sheeeesh ! .... I know they are at peace now though and together .. so for that, I am happy.

It did dawn on me last night though as Adam and Jordan were picking through some of my Uncles possessions that they were given, (he lived with my Grandparents) that THEY were all he'd had, no wife, no children ... ... so WHAT exactly is the POINT to life ??? I know it sounds stupid, my uncle died 2 years back even ... but it just really hit me yesterday. Why are we here if only to just leave STUFF behind  ... or entertain ourselves with STUFF until we go ?! SIGH ....

Ahhh, yes, my ever thinking mind .......

Well, Anyway ... my Ma has been staying at my Grandparent's house now and will soon have an estate sale of the remainder of the belongings. I did get to chose the few things I wanted and the majority of which are old photos ... generations back - going all the way into Holland from when My great Grandma and Grandpa first came over on the boat from Coevorden, Netherlands in the 1920's. I really didn't need anything else, I have memories in my head and material possessions just really don't interest me all that much. It is so selfish to me to even think that I could even want for more.

I would trade it all though, just to have Grandma and Grandpa back again, just the way it used to be. I miss those days.

Good to be back home though.

SIGH .... School starts here next week ... joy joy !

So, now, please excuse me .... I must go wash all MY belongings because they all smell of cigarettes .. YUK !

HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE !