Finally, time for a "real" blog. Sorta. As it is sweltering here today at around 98 or something, I am being forced to stay in and be lazy sitting on my butt in front of a fan.
We DON'T have air here.
I am POSITIVE I am going to die.
I have browsed for a few minutes this morning on here, but still getting used to the set up since I have gone. It is different, that's for sure. I hate change.
Anyway, just the usual goin on here ... working alot now and keeping pace for the summer. However I have far over stretched my limits, and ended up at the hospital yesterday.
My usual ER doc, Sara was like "What do you want now woman" .. lol. Funny how they know me so well. We had a good conversation tho and might be going for walks a few nights a week. (She was the one with me when I lost Wyatt, and we've talked ever since.) It is nice to have someone interesting to hang out with. I am sure she'll get tired of my ba-jillion question asking mind soon enough though .. lol. After all since she is a PA, I could prolly ask questions forever.
Anywhoodle, my skin is the issue and has caused me ALOT of pain right now. I know my limits, but work was being done, so I stretched the limits and now am paying the price. I do so love being outside and doing yard work and walking, combined with the landscaping we've been doing for the LL ... it just came to a head yesterday. I was in tears, so Sara (ER Doc) gave me a load of Tylonol with the codine stuff and some antibiotics.
I am feeling kinda loopy at the moment but better, I dread today's heat tho - without air in this house we are in now, I think I might be going back to the ER.... lol.
Another thing up ... or shall I say "down" with me right now is that I am extremely emotional lately. Um - k... it is mostly about Wyatt. EVERY baby picture or commercial I see with a baby in it, I cry .... I think about him ALL. THE. TIME. ! - I would be like 32 weeks now, and for me that is bed rest time, I think about how he'd almost be here now and all I can do is cry. I still see his little face in my hands ..... I miss him so very much. I wish he could have been mine.
"Homesick" by Mercy Me is constantly playing in my head, so I have to think about asking the Doc for some thing to help me out of this funk. I should be over all this by now - - - shouldn't I ?
SIGH ...
Well, kiddo's, I better go I guess. Work for now seems to be slowing some, so I should be around some more. Hope all is well with you. I have missed you all so much - it has been like a part of me was missing.
Till next time.
TAMMIE :o)
I don't think we ever forget the loss of a baby. So although you might need something to help with depression, it will never stop you from missing him. HUGS!!!
ReplyDeleteGlad to know your going to back around some. I've miss you!
I am sure that you emotions are fairly normal. I would think it would natural to think of where you would be in your pregnancy. I think that you should talk to you Dr about getting something to help you. There is no need to suffer if your don't have to!
ReplyDeleteIt sure is warm here too!!
ReplyDeleteIt is soo good to see you! I'm sure those emotions are normal..it's gonna take time. It is sweltering here too. Hope u get to feeling better. Try and stay in front of the fan and stay cool. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteHug's girl........
ReplyDeleteGlad that you have made a new friend taht you can walk with. Perhaps talking with her about Wyatt will be enough to ease your mind of it for a bit. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteGood to hear from you. Your emotions are normal. Maybe talking + walking with your new Dr friend will help a bit. Try to stay cool.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you aren't doing so well. Hang in there! I'm praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. Every time I see a pregnant woman, I think "that should be me" and then I calculate how far along I would be. I just don't like pregnant women right now, and it is so not personal. I often wonder if in October I will start to hate every woman with a newborn, because that will be when mine was to be born. I cried the other night while watching some show about little people having a baby....I was fine right up until the baby was delivered, then lost it. I feel nuts sometimes too. I wish you didn't feel the way you do,. but I totally understand it. It is a shitty place to be.
ReplyDeleteSo is having no air. I think I would die if I were you! I say take some of that hard earned money you are making and buy yourself a window unit!
I know how you feel. Every time I see a pregnant woman, I think "that should be me" and then I calculate how far along I would be. I just don't like pregnant women right now, and it is so not personal. I often wonder if in October I will start to hate every woman with a newborn, because that will be when mine was to be born. I cried the other night while watching some show about little people having a baby....I was fine right up until the baby was delivered, then lost it. I feel nuts sometimes too. I wish you didn't feel the way you do,. but I totally understand it. It is a shitty place to be.
ReplyDeleteSo is having no air. I think I would die if I were you! I say take some of that hard earned money you are making and buy yourself a window unit!
I don't think you should 'be over' anything, sweetie. I wondered how you were doing with that. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. :( Everyone heals at a different rate, and just because it seems like everyone else is over the trauma, doesn't mean you 'should' be. I wish I could package up some hugs and send them along your way to use as you need to!
ReplyDeleteOn another note.....you need to watch it, and take better care of yourself! Don't push yourself so hard, 'woman'! :)~ (there, mothering instincts quelled)
Aw. No you shouldn't be over the loss of your child, especially as you get closer to what would have been his due date. It takes time to grieve and every one is different. HUGS>
ReplyDeleteAnd slow down a little bit. The world isn't going any where! You need to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of others. That is being human.