
Well, I guess life is about learning things - right ?? Well, I am always open to trying new things and learning about anything, learning about personal mistakes made and stuff, but in all honesty, there is ONE I am reluctant about learning my lesson on, and I don't know why.

It is money.
I am BAAAAAAAD with money, BAAAAAAAAD I tell you.
I was always taught "OWE NO MAN NOTHING BUT LOVE" as it says in the bible - right ? So, ok... we have NO credit cards, no big debt anymore to speak off, and besides the normal incoming monthly bills we get, we only owe for the van we drive.
Well as of November 7th, we have to go to court and prolly won't have the van any longer ... we can't afford the insurance so the company we have - says they will take it unless we provide proof we have it. We have been in this situation before, but we actually did have the insurance - this time we don't - we just cannot afford it over food and gas and rent.
Now, I do have faith that this has happened for a reason ... I am trying to learn - right ? I am going to remain that the Lord has his way of doing things and I must be patient- even if I don't like it.
I think I can do this, I got through the whole house issue without cracking - right ? SIGH...
But remaining positive, I do believe that someone is trying to teach me that buying/having a NEW car doesn't make you who you are. Like I said, I am BAAAD with money, I buy new and brand names... always have since being on my own. Maybe inside I always knew all this, but it is getting it through to my brain that it might actually do some good.
In 2001, I got a job at Pizza Hut - bought a brand new Saturn SL1 and paid it off as quick as I could, then quit. It was our first new car and still to this day, it is one of the only things I refuse to get rid of. However in the years since, I have always had new cars and kind of had it stuck in my head about always having a new car.
See though, I am that way with a lot of things, clothes - shoes - food. You name it, yea ... I have to shop at JCPenney rather than KMart or I have to get the kids Mall clothes instead of resale. I wonder now how much money I have wasted.
I have to teach myself that there is nothing wrong with them things and yet, I feel like I have to be mad or resentful for it.
I AM mad though - what have I taught my kids ?!??? Brittany will NOT wear used shoes, (um, well, I won't either tho, feet gross me out, it is like a used toothbrush or underwear, I know - weird, but that is how I see it) ... So neither Jordan or Brittany have ever had non name brand stuff ... they have always shopped at the mall and had what they wanted. Hannah doesn't care nor does she fit in the typical mall style of clothes ... Cameron and Gracie have name brand too, but PLEASE don't take it as I am bragging, because I am not. I feel bad, because I see NOW, mistakes I have made, that I have taught them that by wearing ONLY all name brands that it might be LESS to wear less, that it might cause them to look down on others that are/were not like them - and worst yet and MOST important, I have not taught them proper ways to go about spending/using money.
I mean, seriously, is it really all that important to have name brands ? Are you really any less of a person ? NO ! DUH .. that IS stupid ! and I know that, I have issues .... I was raised NOT being able to have the popular Guess jeans or Nike shoes, I always had alot of used, or what was given. I THOUGHT that I wanted better by buying better and that I WAS doing better by buying it ... but was I ?
I am about as far away from wise money shopping thrifty- ness as you can get ... all the signs lately keep telling me that so many things have gone wrong with our out of control way of spending anymore that it is driving a nail into our family.

I need help. Why is it that I feel I have to eat out so much ? Why is it that I feel I have to spend money wrecklessly ? We do have baaad credit, that is true, it was GREAT until we had our identity stolen and after years of trying to fight it and not file bankruptcy, we just gave up--- it became not worth it. You CAN get loans, you CAN get CC'S but at WHAT cost ... and to who ???? NO ONE cares that your identity was stolen, no one cares that it has taken your savings away ... 26,000 + dollars that you had. All anyone cares about is THIER money and they want it NOW. If you do get a loan, say on a house as we did after the ID theft, the rates will be HORRIBLE. We paid 800 in rent at that same house , then when it was in our name the payments shot to 1,700 a month - just because our credit was imperfect.
THAT IS WRONG ! It is wrong that companies can rip people off like that and take advantage of others ... and by law get away with it no less. I wish people based payments off of what you earn instead of what ever they felt like charging.
SO ... we gave up. We gave up with alot of things ... we gave up with money and trying to fight, we gave up on going to church and being a family, havng a good marriage and basically the everyday.
And NOW we are where we are ....
So this lesson to learn from is going to REALLY REALLY hurt. I do believe I am sort of addicted to spending money and being in a certain way of life, the certain way that we can no longer afford or live in ... and It sucks.
So please pray that I can get through this - I am having a super duper hard time learning this lesson and trying to learn to be even a bit more "thrifty"...

I do notice I DO feel like less of a person, even though I know that it is not true. Money does not make you WHO or what you are, it CAN makes you less though, if you let it.
I am sorry, I hope that no one takes offense to this and If I have rambled, and made little sence. I do have a tendency to do that from time to time or everyday .. lol. I hope all of you have a wonderful day ! I just wanted to share this experience with you.
TAMMIE

Thanks for sharing Tammie and I will be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm SUPER good with $$...my hubs says I'm TOO cheap. It's just the way I was raised. So, if you need any advise feel free to ask :)
Oh I really hate insuraces. Half the time you never use them but end up spending all that money on them. I am so sorry that this is happening. Do you have to have full coverage insurance on it?? I know PL/PD can be a little cheaper. I pay $111 a month for both our vehicles. I hate that bill. I liked the name brand stuff but never could afford it my mom would buy us Kmart clothes or second hand and not one person every noticed. People thought we were rich. Far from it. I think we all have had a hard time with spending money silly or foolishly you know. I had a friend that bought Captin Crunch cereal and then when she couldn't afford it she would buy the off brand and put it in the Captin Crunch box to make her feel better. I can see why you would think the way you do about people looking down but you know real true friends and people don't care at all. I don't mind you venting at all, I understand this isn't easy for you and I will be praying that you get through it! I think companies are terrible, they told us we wouldn't be able to get any credit after our bankrupty but as soon as it was closed we got a ton of people wanting to give us credit but with huge high interest rates! It's just wrong I agree!! Hugs to you my friend!!
ReplyDeleteOk Anne ... we need help and I don't even know where to start, I wish I was cheap... I do... My father was -immensely- ne hoarded money and stashed it away even when the family neededit- he would not touch it, so mayhaps that is why I am afraid of that, I dunno.
ReplyDeleteAnyway - the case is that we need help and I feel so lost, Where do I start ?
Tammie - I think there are all too many people that have been in similar situations. Before my husband and I's biz went under, we were frivolous spenders, however, when things got rough and we had next to nothing, we learned to prioritize. While I can't imagine what it is like to have 5 kids and be in a financial bind, I know what worked for us is that realizing we didn't "have"to have the things we had, we didn't need to "keep" up with anyone else but ourselves. It made a world of difference in our lives. No more going out to dinner almost every night, no more throwing money away on expensive cars, big houses, etc... Going out to dinner or even lunch for that matter costs soo much money!! I have become the cheapo of all cheapos, even now that we are doing so much better financially. I never go to Macy's or Nordstrom anymore and normally won't buy anything unless it's on sale. We buy lots of generic food (or Albertsons/Kroger brand) which for the most part are just as good but much cheaper (except the Target Tator Tots are not nearly as good as good ole' Ore Ida!) We got rid of our fancy, expensive cars, and we live in a much more modest home, but it's perfect for us.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, if I can learn to be cheap, anyone can!!! I blew money like the world was ending and I needed to spend every last dime. When I was single and living it up in Chicago, I had every name brand purse you could imagine b/c that was what was "Important" to me..
We learned our lesson the hard way, but we made it through it. I have faith that you'll make it through it too.
You had a rough go of it with the house and you made that work out so well by making it a home.
sorry for the long ramble but this is a subject near and dear to my heart!!
LEt me know if you need any help being cheap, b/c I'm good at it now!! :) xoxo
Yea, it has to be full coverage, and it is costing too much - we have never had accidents though and I have never even had a ticket .. even still we cannot afford it righ tnow, but they do not care.
ReplyDeleteI was picked on immensely at school and growing up for not having Guess jeans or Nike shoes,IOU sweatshirts and stuff. When I met Adam he would buy me the things I wanted and it has always been that way till now... surely why I am having a real hard time dealing with this situation.
Thank you Jen :O) Yes,please teach me to be cheap !!! :O)
ReplyDeleteYeah, that is hard. I was raised very frugal, and I have carried that with me my whole life. If it is on sale, I buy name brand. Otherwise, we are Target. They have adorable stuff. My kids are always dress nice and look nice. I am a frugal shopper down to grocery shopping. I like to think I already have passed on that material things do NOT matter to my kids. It is a hard thing to teach but, gah .. it is SO important.
ReplyDeleteWe too gave up our brand new car. Kalea was just getting into competition dance, and loved it. We had a choice, because money was too tight. We sold the car, and kept dance. That seemed like the most important thing to do at the time, and still does.
Happiness over weighs money any day.
I hope all works out with your van. I too agree that most everything happens for a reason.
I am bad with money too. When I go shopping I just buy what I want. I do not shop at big name stores though. I don’t really care about name brands. I usually shop at Kohls or Walmart. I can’t afford to any where else. I also look for sales. I just went online to WalMarts clearance section …for $60 I bought two pairs of pants, 6 shirts, a sweater and a Halloween shirt. I went back on yesterday and got each the boys 2 shirts each, myself another pair of pants, two shirts for $30. I don’t feel ashamed either. I know a lot of people who are all about name brands. I do buy the boys name brand sneakers. They just last longer then the WalMart brand.
ReplyDeleteI hope it all works out with your van.
Generally, if someone has a lien on the vehicle (meaning you owe them money and the vehicle is collateral) they can demand you have full coverage on the vehicle.
ReplyDeleteI grew up without name brand stuff, got made fun of for it, and I feel it made me a better person. Sure, we try to get name brand stuff for our kids (only when the quality makes a difference, some brands look new after a year of wear, some don't) and I live paycheck to paycheck so I'm not the best one for offering advice, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
First off, you have to be on-board 100%. No sense putting in great effort to save a dollar here and five dollars there, and then splurge on something you don't really need. Like Steve Maddens (is that a shoe??? I don't know, was just trying to prove a point).
Next, identify needs. Too often our society makes a lot of things that are wants seem like needs (can you hear me now? Yup, cell phones are one of them...lol).
Eating out is a large expense, and in our rush rush society, happens a lot. Plan out a weeks worth of meals (makes it easier to make a meal instead of getting to meal time and wondering what to make and then getting take-out instead). Plan around what is on sale that week at the grocery store.
The clothes thing. I understand what you are trying to say. I have no real advice, other than to set a clothes budget with the kids and when it's gone, it's gone. I think the thought of having just a couple name brand outfits they have to wear over and over again to school will pale in comparison to having more options to choose from. This year, we got about half of my daughter (who is a clothes horse....damn you should see her closet) wardrobe for back to school from garage sales and flea markets. Tommy shirts for a buck? Hell yeah!
I'm not sure what you can do about the identity issue, isn't their a way to prove the stolen identity and contact the 3 credit reporting bureaus?? Look into it if you haven't. I ruined my own credit (well, having a spouse that suddenly stopped working due to illness at the time I had young kids helped....lol...although she is horrible with money too. A lot of our fights have been over money, and I've about given up, took on a second job to keep us afloat instead of fighting over spending. I am a minimalist, hell, I have clothes that are over 10 years old that I still wear...lol) and certainly understand having to pay $1900 a month to live someplace that if I had better credit I'd be paying $1300 a month or so.
Oh, and if you were just venting and didn't want any advice, then just ignore the above and I wish you well.
Oh, and don't feel bad about having a new car. Piece of mind, reliability, and a warranty have value.
ReplyDeleteIt's having to have a SL65 AMG Mercedes when a (fill in the blank with a boring sensible car) would get you the same places.
Yes. I agree 100% with what he said. He is ME in a man's body. Haha.
ReplyDeleteThat explains the brown eyes.
ReplyDeleteWait, you didn't know that I had eyes under those sunglasses....lol
We do this EVERY week!!! It's funny b/c Tim plans the menu and then he calls it something like the "Stull Cafe" or "Stull Bistro/Cafeteria" etc... and then we put it on our fridge. It's hilarious some of the names we come up with for food, so much so that our friends always ask us what's on the menu.. it's so much easier b/c I know what I'm making when I get home at night and I don't have to get into that rut of heming and hawing about what we are eating, thus leading to sometimes going out... AND, we don't go nuts at the grocery store.. Hell, if it gets us 30-somethings a kick, it might be fun for the kids to plan a menu here and there!! Just a thought!
ReplyDeleteThis 30-something lets each kid take a night and plan the menu. Within reason...no smores for a main course with candy corn for a vegetable...lol
ReplyDeleteThank You Whip ... DO appriciate your comments,andwill take all this advice at heart, that is why I blog... I see all your points and I do agreenow - where as I used to prolly be as receptable. I got alot of things to think on and act on around here ....
ReplyDeleteThe new car thing point above IS also soooo TRUE... but a car without a payment would seriously best suit us right now ... I just have noidea where to look or what to do seeing we have the bad credit, noone will even give us a used car and we have no money saved for out right pay it out ... and we wont anytime soon ... sigh .
As for the credit, it was done with our checkbook, atleast that is what started it .. we could notprove who did it and as it was done in Indiana - they have a law, if you can't prove it, then too bad kinda thing, so we had to pay all fees and court costs, and lost all our money because we couldn't prove it. When we got the house we had a 380 credit score, I worked my ASS off getting it to a 645 average score.. even still no one cared that I had spent two year sworkingon it to rasie it, just that they could see dollar signs and charge us for some dumb fee because it wasn'tperfect... and in that - it made it worse - we ended up not being able to make those high payments and losing the house anyway - who cares right ? Anyway - our credit score is backwhere we started if not worse, so it was never wot=rth even trying to fix it.
do you have JD Byrider's there?? they have a program for people with tough credit. I know this b/c Tim supplies them leads.. and he only works with people with less than perfect credit. There are a lot of buy here pay here lots where people can get cars with bad credit and there aren't many downpayments needed, just the ability to pay. And the rates aren't too extravagant. You just have to look outside the box and not assume that there aren't options for people with bad credit, b/c there are!!
ReplyDeleteGah, It is not so much about meal planning - although I will admit I am totally lazy when it comes down to it, but seriously we eat out alot because for the love of all that is good ... I HATE COOKING ! I despise it, I mean I am worse than the average hater of cooking !
ReplyDeleteBefore gas came back down (I saw it at $2.09 a gallon in Eagan, MN this morning) you could have picked up a couple year old used SUV for a song and a dance...lol
ReplyDeleteLearn to crock-pot cook, where you just throw some stuff in a crock pot and let time and low heat do it for you...lol...but seriously, might not be a bad idea.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, well as we live in the middle of the boonies I have not heard of it, I will look online though because maybe they have one in Madison or the cities ... although, I have no idea how I would get there.
ReplyDeleteThank you though, I will look for more options now, I appriciate that you told me about that. :O)
True true, thank you --- I never even thought of that !
ReplyDelete2.09 ? Wow, I am thinking it was 2.85 here, but I might be wrong.
ReplyDeleteYa... our van guzzles it. But with 5 kids I nned a bus, ha ha ... jk, but for us all to go together we atleast need another van..or two cars. ha ha.
Yes, but do they rake you out the arse with interest ? Gah,,, that is sooo wrong.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking ya'll looked alike ! HA HA ...jk !
ReplyDeleteI have a 2001 Chrysler van with 64,000 miles that....wait, it's paid for and in good shape, I'm keeping it!
ReplyDeleteI always thought it was funny...you have less than perfect credit and are borderline in making the payments, so let's jack up how much you have to pay. Yup, makes sense to me....lol
This might be insulting to Mandi (because I'm underestimating, but I'm full of myself...lol), but she looks like 15 times better than me.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha ... I know - right ?! Makes no sence to me either !
ReplyDeleteMakes people seemso greedy sometimes !
We still have our Saturn that I refuse to get rid of, but it don't run ... and we have no idea how to and nomoney to get it fixed. It would get A back and forth to work tho.
OH yeeea, that's me !
ReplyDeleteI Can't shop online, but I have SEEN the clerance section, um, just usually never go to it. HAHAHAHA.
Yea, like I said, I am that bad sometimes.
My next point to saving money is really get to know your friends who have mechanical abilities...lol
ReplyDeletehaha,,, we have no friends. I AM SERIOUS.
ReplyDeleteThe only person we know with those abilities is A'S brother who lives in Michigan, and we aren't extremely close.
I SERIOUSLY THINK IF I CAN GET PAST THIS, I WILL BE BETTER OFF, IT IS JUST GETTING PAST THIS !
ReplyDeleteWhip is right, you need to be on board 100% with this, if you are going to do it.
ReplyDeleteMatt and I spent HOURS working out a budget, down to the pennies, and we put money in envelopes every week. When it's gone in that envelope, we don't spend any more. It's rediculously difficult, but if you stick to it, you really realize where your money is going quick. And where you have problems.
I grew up wearing hand me downs and salvation army clothes and never really thought about it, so it's easy for me to continue that with the boys. I wasn't teased about it either, though, so I'm sure that makes a difference. But honestly, I PROWL yard sales for the boys clothes. I might buy 3 or 4 new outfits a year, IF I find them on clearance. And I'm the same way about myself...I rarely buy new clothes, and really, only if it's on sale. I just cannot bring myself to pay full price for clothes, because I KNOW that it cost hardly anything to actually make and I don't like being ripped off! hehe
Brand names are something that I don't even pay attention to, at all. However, if it's important, then start looking for brand names at the resale store or at yard sales.
You are going to have to lay down the law with the kids regarding clothes. You might be surprised at how they handle it. You say Brit won't wear anything but new? Well, she'll get over it really quick, when you don't buy her new clothes. Trust me. She's only that way because you LET her be that way, and honestly, she needs to learn, and the sooner the better. You don't want her to end up in a situation like yours do you?
As for food. I'm pretty bad about buying only name brand foods, but I pretty much only buy them when they are on sale, and stock up when I can. Today I went shopping and over half of my purchases were sale items. I only buy meat when it's on sale, same with cereals and items that we don't REALLY need. If it's not on sale, I just wait until it is. Today I bought Pop Tarts we didn't really need yet because not only was it on sale, but they also had an added sale of 'buy 4 and get 2.00 off at the register'. So I got them for a dollar cheaper EACH. I figured that I better stock up now, instead of paying the higher price later. And if we run out of Pop Tarts before they go on sale again? I just won't buy them and the boys will have to eat something else for a while! LOL
The trick, the real trick, to getting your money under control is BUDGET BUDGET BUDGET and STICK TO IT!
I'm going to send you some info I have on that, ok? It's a christian based money management guide. Matt and I are following it, and it's really helped a lot.
You know, I feel terrible that you guys are in this situation, but I get the feeling that you know that you've put yourself there (of sorts, because certainly the identity theft was not your fault!!!). Maybe God's been trying to get your attention and He's realized that the only way you will listen is to hit rock bottom first.
I'll be praying for you for sure, Tammie.
You WILL get through this, and when you come out the other side, life will be MUCH easier. The issue I think I see, is not so much the money problems, but the fact that you have to change some things about YOURSELF in order to fix the money issues, and that's going to be the hardest of all, but also the most rewarding in the end. I know you can do it!!!!!!
oh wow....that was long....
ReplyDeleteTammie,
ReplyDeleteI have good news and bad news.
Good news first. You can get past this.
Bad news. It takes a long time. It has been 10 years since I declared bankrupcy. 4 years since the last refinancing of my house. I'm paying 17.9% interest on my Neon (which has 107,000 miles already and I still have about a year to pay it off...$210 a month for a at the time 18 month old Neon. Bottom of the totem pole car. *sigh*) and the $1900 for the house (negotiating with the mortgage company, but the rate I have now is 10.5% or something like that). I've eliminated all credit card debt, almost have the wife's student loans paid off, about to pay off the loan I took from my parents, and can afford to let the kids do one activity a season. But I'm still not where I want to be. Still working on improving the credit. It's a journey, and I wish you well.
tHANK YOU GUYS... THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. :o(
ReplyDeleteWindi .. you will send me those ?, thank you ! I really want to get past this. I don't know why - your words always resonate with me so well, they just do, maybe cuz I look up to you alot, but it meant alot to me that you believe in me. It made me cry. :O)
I know I have things in myself that caused this and it isn't all the money ... BOTH Adam and I have big issues ...
For instance I have noticed that since we got married (17 looong years ago) we'll go somewhere and I will buy something, but then he'll be like - "Well, I want something too" ... then buy it ....
that is a big problem and for years we both do the same thing. I don't know that HE sees it, but its true AND hurts us.
I am on board with this 150 % and more if I could... I just need ot know what to start with, because right now, we have little ground to grasp.
I know that it is the hard times that make the better - better (haha) and that it will make a better person out of me, but this has gone onlong enough and I know I can be better than this, I just need help doing it.
Wow everyone has already given you such good advice that there's nothing I can add. We live paycheck to paycheck. It's a long hard road + you can do it. ;)
ReplyDeleteI've always had a HUGE spending problem... especially since I worked a lot in high school and didn't need to so I had all this extra money to buy stuff all the time. Of course, when I got to college and didn't have time for a job AND had to pay bills AND buy groceries, etc. it was a rude awakening. Do you guys have a Ross or TJ Maxx up there? They sell name brand stuff but for waaay cheap! I shop there all the time because it's really all I can afford, but it looks like I spend a lot more than I do! And to try to help, I allllways buy store brand of groceries and hair stuff. In high school, I really put a lot of importance on name brand stuff but now I would just rather have cute things and not say what brand it is.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's not too late to show your kids how to spend wisely. Heck, my mom taught me by sending me to college with nothing and saying "deal with it." My parents have zero savings, even to this day. I just opened my first savings account and it has about $30 in it and I'm proud!
I know this doesn't make things better, but right now everyone really is suffering with the state our economy is in. It scares me to know that, after all my hard work in school, I will never make much money and will be in a constant struggle the rest of my life because I am choosing to become and teacher, but that is the path I chose and I will live with it.
Money may be difficult, but it doesn't mean that much.
I've read both Whip and Windi's comments and they are SO good! I'm huge about the food thing. I always try to buy generic and on sale. Same with clothes...nothing else is an option.
ReplyDeleteInteresting....first care I bought was a brand new Saturn SL1. I loved that car.
ReplyDeleteI would say I'm not great with money myself. Not terrible, but I have some bad habits. When I was single and in my apartment, the last few years I had enough disposable income that I was dropping it on books, cds, dvds, computer games, stuff for the condo, clothes I didn't wear, etc. Nothing was really much going into savings. When I moved into the condo, it was a wakeup call.
Now that HC and I are married, we're trying to be really good. We have only used the credit cards for 2 things: Wedding and vet bills. We're working to pay them off. We've got a savings plan, that we have to follow. (I already told him X amount of his paycheck tomorrow has to go into savings, because we used my paycheck last week to buy groceries and pay most of the bills.)
What I'm trying to do, is watch sales. My best friend is very into watching the WalGreen's add for rebates and stuff. Sales...coupons...rebates....generics...buy bulks. For me, the BIGGEST savings, is cooking at home. We rarely go out for dinner. If we do go, it's usually fast food. Since it's just the 2 of us, that's not all that much. I keep looking online for enticing recipes to make. I check out the savings. Use the loyalty cards at the grocery store. (Where you can earn points to get gift cards.) A suggestion could be to set up a "entertainment" budget...say, from the paycheck, but gift cards for Pizza Hut, or whichever restaurant you like to eat at, and set those aside. When you have used those gift cards, you're done for the month. No more eating out that month.
I wouldn't do the used shoe thing, either. I've taken clothes to good will, and I throw out the shoes. No donating shoes. But it is possible to find good clothes at inexpensive prices. TJ Maxx? Marshals? Do you have any of those near you? Also, Old Navy has a clearance section where you can find cool stuff for mere dollars.
I know you're lamenting what sort of example you've set for your kids. But look at it this way....now you can show them how to identify a problem, own up to the mistake, accept it, lay out a game plan, and move forward. Maybe you should sit down with the kids and all of you iron out a way out of the mess. Involve the kids in the bargain shopping. Maybe make it someone's job to clip and organize coupons, someone else's job to check the sales flyers weekly, so you can find where the deals are, etc.
OMG - Chali..... I LUV, LUV, LUV this idea AND the idea of having the kids help out ...
ReplyDeleteHA ! and you dont wanna have kids... see? You'd be a good mama !
I don't know if a TJMaxx is near us or not, but I can look online to see probably, I have never been in one. I don't buy ME used clothes, it is all ABOUT for the kids. SEE ?! Another reason I regret NOT homeschooling them... I just didn't want them to be picked on like I was, that was the worst time of my life - ever !
I am a big shopper of Gap and Hollister, Aero, Gymboree and Limited Too... for the kids.. but for myself I am ok with Goodwill or Wal mart .. isn't that strange ? I don't know why though - except I wear skirts or sweats alot unless I go out.
I am that way ..but for myself, I feel I HAVE to buy the kids the best stuff, that is my problem and the fact that alot of our money goes to eating out. I hate cooking, I wish I was better.
ReplyDeleteOk, I haven't picked up the ages of all your kids, but....if you hate cooking, could it be that you're burnt out? Out of ideas, tired of doing it, etc. I was 13 when I started cooking for the family. I didn't cook all the time. 2 nights a week my mom coached my sister's rhythmic gymnastics team, and they'd have to leave for the gym at 4:30pm. So on those nights, it was my job to come home from school and make dinner. My first specialties were spaghetti, boiled hot dogs & box macaroni and cheese, and Dinty Moore Beef Stew over noodles. Not much. BUT, I learned how to cook. I later moved onto following recipes. When I moved out on my own years later, I always knew I could cook....even if I didn't want too.
ReplyDeleteSo what I'm saying....Momma, why are you cooking dinner for your family every night when you have teenage children in your house? Why are they not cooking dinner one night a week? Heck....make it the "special" meal, where they get to plan it, you can provide advice if they need it...and break out the candles for dinner.
Can you tell I grew up in a house where my parents both worked and we all shouldered the tasks of keeping house? I never ever got an allowance, even. We were told that cooking, laundry, dusting, vaccuming etc...these were they types of chores it took to keep a family running, and therefore we did them without payment because we were taking care of the family. OMG, I flat out refuse to do everything here. Laundry is the only thing I do always myself, because I have this strange liking of laundry.
(Disclaimer: My mom was a stay-at-home mom until I was 13 and my brother was 8. During that time, she was uber frugal and scrimped and saved. After she started working, we'd spend more on stuff. Not name brand items, but buying more stuff. So I grew up with both sides of the coin.)
From the little bit that i have read you have got some good advice here.
ReplyDeletewe dont do the whole name brand stuff here unless there is something really cool that one of them wants. I set the standard a long time ago that we could find things just as good without shopping at places like Hollister. we have a really great shop that sells used stuff (eeww not the shoes) and meg is perfectly fine with shopping there sometimes. She knows how much things cost and learned lots from a business class she took. I can only do so much but try to give them other options and they always seem to be fine with it. Deep down they know that if I had tons of money they would surely have any clothes they wanted. Its just being realistic. No one keeps up with what jeans another kid is wearing and where they are from. Meg is still a typical teen though and if she could use 100 bucks and buy 2 name brand shirts or 15 at say walmart she would choose the 2...That all changes when you make your own money and see how far it goes...
Dinner....well eating out I learned a LONG time ago was not only unhealthy but expenssssssssive! We got sick of it too. Its hard on me now because I only have a certain amount of time when I get home from work until everyone is hungry for dinner so even at work I am thinking "what can i fix for dinner"...its hard too because meg still will not touch meat so I have to always come up with (or she does ALOT) stuff for her to eat. I wish I did have more time to plan better. I read someone's post I think it was part of Chali's where she suggested the oldest cooking some....
You can also prepare ahead of time and that helps..meatloaf, spaghetti, taco's, or marinate food for the hubs to throw on the grill. Its so easy and fast. Store bought food goes (which im sure you know) by so much farther.
I wish you all the luck in making some of these changes if that is what you truly want to do....i would never judge you and I know all of the things you mentioned can happen to anyone and are each hard to change but at least...change IS possible! :)
HUGS
Good idea.... and I honestly don't know why I don't have them cook, I want to, but sometimes it just seems easier for me to get in ther get it done and over with. I can be all control freak like sometimes... sigh, I need therapy.
ReplyDeleteI grew up with eating out alot, umm .. my mom was in the hospital ALOT of my growing up and my dad worked or just sat there. So that would be where I think I learned to NOT cook. ahahaha.
im with ya...its hard sometimes to just let them take over, mess and all...
ReplyDeleteI don't think you're alone in this money thing. It seems like lately lots of people are having problems in this economy.
ReplyDeleteI think you don't have to give up brand names if you're picky. I mean some times you can find super deals at JCPennys and such if you watch the sales. Heck, there are times you can find those brand names for less than the non-brand names. And I wouldn't do the used shoes either if I could help it. I've been told that it's very unhealthy as the first person molded the shoe to the shape of their own foot.