HELLO EVERYONE AND HAPPY THURSDAY !
Here are some thoughts of mine today ... as usual - my mind is always going, so coming up with 13 should be no problem.
1) I am sitting here right now wrapped in a blanket and next to the space heater. This is not fun, but I am getting through it. Lets see what I say after this weekend when they are now saying that it may be lows of -20.
2)Speaking of heat ... I have been wrestling with thoughts in my head about how my kids deserve better and I am such a boob and should have been better prepared. Then the other thoughts are - it is a learning lesson, hey, I AM saving money, my kids love me anyway, and yes, it COULD be much worse then just this ....so, one minute I am negative the next positve ... but I am trying.I would much rather stay positve though, I like it much better.
3)I have just about given up on multiply. I tried all day yesterday and today to post a blog over there and no pages of any kind will load and if they do, they freeze. I was thinking it may be my computer --- but it don't do it over here at Yahoo ... so wth ?! I will try once more with this blog a bit later, but if it don't work, I dunno.
4) Even though Adam has gone back to work now he is still soooo cranky. I think sometimes it would be nice to go away .... but then, I bet every marriage has that problem from time to time - no one is perfect. I am just not the confrontational kind of family person. I hate it and I try to be as positve as I can most of the time .... atleast I try.
5) It has been snowing here since last night and currently there is probably about 5 or more inches down on the ground. They are saying that we are supposed to get 9 -10 inches by the time it is done. All the school systems around us were closed today - but as usual - not ours. Like I have said before, you could be dead and they would expect you to be there. It is quite rediculous I think and my kids were hoping for a snow day too. And of course as you all know - I am more than happy to have them here with me.
6) I actualy have been thinking of going back to school lately ... but there are a few things that are stopping my thought of that. 1) Is that I never finished high school ... now I am not stupid, by no means - I know that, but I couldn't graduate because I seriously cannot do math. Even though I got strait A's in every other class, I could not pass math. I have never really spoken of this problem to anyone, but I would like to get help with it so I can finish. 2) My hubby - simply put. I cannot do everything and be everywhere all at one time, especially all the time. When we got married it was decided upon then that I would do the traditional housewife job and he would work. Woman's work, is mine and a man's work is his - right ? Well, lately I have noticed a double standard here and it is more like ALL work is mine. I cook, clean, take care of the kids, shop, call important people to explian why we don't have money for this or that - etc. ... doctors appt's, school errands, homework ... anyway - you name it, POINT IS that when I am not here NOTHING gets done and the kids get ignored. He comes home and zones out in front of the TV and complains about everything or yells at everyone about everything. It shouldn't be my daughter Brittany's job to be thier mother - he should be thier father - so I can't leave. Now, yes, this was always a small problem, but never this big until recently.....seriously lately I feel as if I have to ask him to babysit his own kids because he gets so put out about it ... he won't even hold Gracie for more than 5 minutes without barking about it. I feel sorry for him really - but it does reflect on me. This is not what I meant by womens work.
7) I think something that I would like to do WHEN I finish school is go to Med school. Medicine is sooo very interesting and there is no doubt in my mind that I can't do it .... when I set my mind to something it always gets done. Now, I really wish I would have thought of this years ago, but since I had Jordan when I was 16 - it seriously never was a thought to me. I thought I knew it all then !!!!
8) HA HA HA - affording med school ... now there is the problem ! Won't even be able to afford college for my kids any longer, since it was all stolen. Ahhh, but where there is a will there is a way - remain positive.
9) Hmmm, I don't know if it is because Adam has been so different lately or what it is, but I have been so lonely that I want to go stir crazy. I know that none of you really think that I have no friends, but seriously I don't. I mean except all you here. No one ever comes over, no one is ever around to talk to, I wish I had some friends that live closer, maybe I would actually begin to like Wisconsin then - but everyone I have met from around here is into backstabbing and being rude, drinking all the time and not being too positive. Is it that I have a problem with people ? Well, yes, I will admit to that - I get very nervous and usually say something stupid that make people go away. I am (usually) better worded here and don't worry so much about what others think. I just wish it wasn't so lonely. I really need to find me a crowd of people that inspire me to be a better person. You know - people that bring out the better you who you are. Do you know what I mean ? Because when you hang with negative people, that is usually what you become. I need a new me perhaps.
10) Thinking of which, I really think positive influences are good for the kids too. My family has a curse of some kind, I swear. There are so many negative, toxic people in my family that I have to distance myself from them in order to remain sain. My father told me once when I tried to better myself that instead of buying this house - we belonged in a trailer. What kinda father says that ? I dunno - but, I would never say that to my kids ! Alot of my family members are also on drugs. My uncle is the only one that got clean - stayed clean and he just ended up dying anyway from complications from the years of drug use. (hepititis) Alot of my other relatives use meth and such and I never wanted to have my life that way. I was never around drugs, and have never done or even seen drugs, but alot of people close to me have. Atleast my parents did a good job of keeping from that, if nothing else. I find that it is hard to be part of another way of life though - so many people have limitations or expectations as to who can fit into thier way of life or the way they THINK thier lives are. Thus, perhaps why I am lonely so much. Really hard to fit into another catagory of people.
11) What to have for dinner ?! Hmmm. Well, when we went to Wal- Mart last night I finally got things for dinner and did the grocery shopping with what money I had left for the week. I can't decide whether to have taco's or chili for dinner ... but I am leaning more towards the chili ... it is warm - good for being cold and all.
12) Watching Reba's top 20 right now, I love Reba. She is one of my fave's. Speaking of TV, I watched the first night of American Idol ... it was too funny. Got a real kick out of "Mr. Bee- Gees" .. and the "Stalker" song - even tho it was creepy. If I was Paula, I'd have called security. lol ! I also thought that the hairy dude was disturbing. Ewwwww ! Last night I watched Wife Swap and SuperNanny ... wasn't too interesting, so maybe I should have watched AI.
13)Golly, I soooo need a vacation right now, Either Daytona for the upcoming Speed Weeks or Nashville sound fun. My two fave things ... Nascar or country music ! Woo - hoo ! :O)
Well, My kids just walked through the door from school, it is nice to see them. I have to go through the mail, do yet another load of laundry and somehow prepare my mind for mr. cranky pants to come home. Praise the lord thus far I have been able to keep my mouth shut. lol !
Have a nice day everyone !!! :O) TAMMIE
I wish I lived closer to you(well, what I really wish is that you lived closer to me!). At least you've got us to talk to, which may not be much, but it's better than nothing!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya with the spousal thing--sometimes they do drive us crazy! Matt and I have the 'traditional' marriage also--and I admit, there are a few days when I wonder why I seem to have the bigger proportion of work, but usually that's around pms time for me! LOL Matt's pretty good at things, and even encourages me to go out occasionally by myself just so I can get away from the house sometimes. Keep in mind that this *could* be the postpartum depression speaking. Or it could be the real thing. I guess what you need to work out is which one it is so that you can either a) wait it out or b) start trying to work out the issues before they turn into something you can't work out!
I think about and pray for you every day Tammie. Hang in there! I've got the perfect song for you right now:
Hey Babe ,your blogs come thru just fine over here! It's kinda confusing here for me -havent got the hang of it and dont feel like spending a whole day to learn right now. took me a long time to get the music player on (coulda been the beer). I was horrible at math too so dont feel alone there.Ive learned more about it having to do my job than at school(I know that was the beer!) Dont have any solutions or advice for the domestic stuff but I listen good . Wish I could figure how to put a video on this damn thing like Windin did ,I'd send you some good ones ! i like Josh Turner ,Dwight yoakem ! got some good ones on my site .... please stay warm ok ?
ReplyDeleteTammie, don't you dare get mad at me for asking this, and I'm only asking because I went through it after Bugsy was born. Is it possible you could be dealing with some mild form of postpartum? You seem too hard on yourself! I had it after Mikey was born and ignored it and let me tell you, I still wrestle with chronic depression now from not properly dealing with it then (or so that is the excuse I give from my gray moods) I can so relate to how hard it is to feel upbeat when it seems like the rest of your world is falling apart. I am guilty of that as well. Now the issues with Adam, you need to address right away! As for getting your GED to go and further your education ... I don't know how exactly but I could tutor you somehow on the mathematics portion. I received presidential awards for my mathematics ability in school. And also, there are more and more credible cyber schools you could attend that would allow for you to keep doing your "woman's" work and receive your education. When Mike's not at work, even when he is actually, nothing around here is called woman's work, just simply team work :O) When he;s working though he doesn't do as much because I feel he's out there breaking his back (literally it seems) to give us a roof the least i can do is keep on top of the house and kids. During tax season though, he is such a huge help in keeping the house tidy and helping with the kids. Definitely talk to Adam ... I wish we lived closer to each other, I purposely isolate myself from the outside world, mainly because my mom lives in the same town and i carry her shame of her actions with me wherever I go. :O{
ReplyDeleteHave I added you to my Multiply site yet? I don't remember if I knew you had a site here, I don't think you're in my "friends" list, so will you invite me? I'm at bnich@multiply.com, and I can't read the fine print up in the address bar to see your site. I got here from your blast on 360. Hope to see you on here soon! Stay warm, and take care.....
ReplyDeleteYou can get your GED and go to college. I was married with 6 kids and was fed up with the maid job and the cranky butt ex-husband. I tried all during my early years to get into college, when I did I couldn't stay in because my mother was ill and then I couldn't afford to go. Well after 17 years of hotel home duties, I decided enough was enough. I went to work, which totally peed off my husband. Believe me he wasn't doing his part or I wouldn't have had to go to work in the first place. I was just tired of it. But the situation you describe with zoning in front of the tv, expecting the kids to do his share of kid sitting when I had things to do, and not wanting to hold the kids five minutes. Well, it got old and one day I said enough and meant it, but I had to wait until my oldest was 14. I had to have her and my sons help at home after school. We managed, but it was very hard.
ReplyDeleteAll that aside, no matter the situation you can get a GED if you don't have your diploma. Some of our local colleges will give these classes and tutoring free. I didn't go through the class but I am very familiar with the program because I attended our local community college and they have sign ups for people wishing to get their GED.
Next, 4 years after my divorce, while working full time I decided to go to college once and for all. I got financial aid through the FAFSA program and their were other programs thru my local college to help me pay for my classes and I was eligible for student loans if I needed them. I had 6 kids at the time,now I have 7. I graduated with honors at age 41 and it was the highlight of my life other than my children's births. So yes you can. Don't give up on you...you can do it. And if it makes you feel better I am not that great at algebra, but I managed to do my work and pass my class with a B. I cried over the math homework but I did it. I just took two easy classes that quarter and then applied myself to the math like crazy. And you already have a friend above who says she will tutor you. The college also have tutors you can get to assist you as well. Sorry for ranting, but I am living proof it can be done.