I am always game for this kinda' stuff ... so here goes - today, is things you don't know (I hope) about me. Tommorrow - I will do the other one, it will be harder for me.
1) I was Goth for a long time. I wore black, combat boots, dyed hair, had 13 piercings, etc. I didn't do extremely odd or bad things, or listen to much "goth" sounding music ... I think I really just liked the look ... the calmer side of Goth anyway, still do, but some is even too wild.
2) During alot of that time , I rebbelled against how I was brought up as a christian ... memorizing the bible and all. Now, although I have never drank or done drugs - there were things I did do, that I am not proud of. The Lord has saved me since though and even though I get down alot, I try to have strong faith that things happen for a reason.
3) I had my 1st son; Jordan, at the age of 16, I was wayyy tooo young !
4) Got married at 16 too .... whew alot happened in 1991.
5) Adam (hubby) hit me one time within our first year of marriage .... I hit him really hard back and he's never done it again.
6) I have a big problem with two things ... how I spend money and negativity. With money - it comes and goes faster than water in your hands, I spend it when I shouldn't. The other; negativity - I must have picked up from my father - he is extremely negative - and although I want to lose that part of me, it is hard. Even in my writtings, when I look back at them, I realize that when I try more to be not so negative, I still am to some degree.
7) I tried to commit suicide 7 times in 1987 (7th grade). Those years were torture for me. (Blogs on 360 about those times) My parents didn't care and tried to have me commited.
8) My family (moms side) is full of addictive personalities - but most chose drugs.I have been smart enough to never get mixed into it, I always wanted to stay far from it - although I have addictive qualities within myself. I had a short term anorexia problem in HS before Jordan, I was also a cutter. Since the time I left my parents house, I have not displayed any of those or any other addictive signs except the negativity. ..... oh and maybe this computer/ blogging thingy ... lol ! :O)
9) I got all good grades in school, but never graduated. I can't do math and I left with Adam to NJ by the end of 10th grade.
10) Adam was my first real and only boyfriend.
11) I have a big mouth. I have a problem keeping it shut ---- I don't mean with secrets, oh no, if I get mad, I will lell ya.... I got expelled from school, had several detentions all because I couldn't shut-up. After so long of getting picked on - I got fed up and couldn't take it no more, I have calmed down some, but I still do it occasionally.
12) I have some medical issues that I don't like to talk about.
13) Growing up, I did NOT want children. I was a total tomboy and that was too girly for me - I remember that I even wrote a report about not wanting any kids for school. Funny how different that is now, I have 5 and I sure couldn't even (nor would I want to ) imagine it ANY other way ! Funny, how I wanted what I didn't think I did.
14) My father lost his job in 1990, after that he has NOT worked since. My mother got mad when he refused to get another job, divorced him, and they chose to sell the house I grew up in or they'd of lost it. My mother took her money and bought herself an apartment while my father chose to live in his car. He did this for over 5 years. Now, for some odd reason, he and my mother live back together - they did not remarry and my mother works and pays for everything. This makes me upset, after her being sick for so many years. I have issues with my father and have trouble forgetting things he'd done - mostly to my mother. We do not speak, but I do speak to my mother.
15) I can remember (almost) literally everything from about the age of 4. I remember songs, clothes I wore, the smells of things, the sounds of things, toys I had, tv shows, bare feet, hot summer nights with no air conditioning, my little toes, each and every teacher I had and what they looked like, I even remember all the kids; thier names and faces from every year of school, what classes they were in and what year it was as well. and ? How about this : I even remember the first song I ever heard at age 2 (so says my sister that I was 2) and that was "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas.
16) Growing up I only ever wanted to be a swimmer/diver. I would have liked to reach Olympic levels, but after it began to cost and my molestation, my parents said no. It however was the only dream I ever had. High diving was my absolute fave thing in the world to do.
17) The only other thing that makes me feel good while I am doing it is, singing. I don't know that I sing ok or not, I love to - and for some reason it makes my self feel good, like deep in my soul - kinda like I was meant to do it or something, But being in front of people makes me litterally sick, so I don't think I could.
OMG - THIS IS HARD ... WHY MUST THIER BE 21 - B ?
18) Ummmm .... I cannot touch meat, it makes me throw up. So if I am going to have to cook it, I have to use tongs or a fork to poke at it or something. ewwww !
19) People always think I am severely snobby, but I am not, I am just so super duper nervous so I don't talk to anyone. As a matter of fact, here, I go out of my way to usually avoid contact with people ... IN a typical week I may leave the house one time - talk to one adult other than Adam , I have no friends and I go no where. I do have this computer though and my friends here. I have pondered Agrophobia (fear of leaving the house) and mainly it is because I am worried they will think I am too ugly or not good enough. I do worry alot about what others think - about myself anyway - other stuff I could care less about.
20) My mothers side is full Dutch ... coming from Holland during WWII - half the family came to the US and the other half went to Australia. It is thought that the family might be jewish, thuss being the departure from Holland at that time - but names were changed and no one ever talked about it, so no one is really sure. I have never met my other relatives in Australia, but do write to them and keep in contact, I would love to meet them someday though. My fathers side of the family is of the Cherokee indian decent - although - much of that is to be unspoken of as well (I have no idea why) however, I do know alot of names were changed at one time here as well. My grand dad used to call me "Mountain Flower". He was full blood indian and passed away in 1986. NO one in my dads family ever graduated school and my Granny never learned to read or write.
21) Thank gOODness ! Uggghhhh - sooooooo - You don't know what I ate for dinner, welll, I bet you can guess if you know me well enough !
Okay... done with that. If you stayed long enough to read it all - congratulations ! - you deserve an award ! Maybe I will give a pop quiz !!! That would be fun !
Well, it is 3 am, Gracie just fell asleep and the Brady Bunch just came on - so I am off to watch a few of my fave tele shows before I fall asleep as well. Have a great Saturday everyone ! Thank you for reading ! :O)
thanks for sharing! I"m not sure if I could come up with 21 things people don't know about me around here! LOL I've been around to long!
ReplyDeleteIt's such a good thing to hear when someone escaped the vicious cycle of addiction in a family. And while you still carry scars from that, you can rest easy knowing your children have a far better chance of staying away from that sort of thing, because you overcame. That should make you feel good.
It's weird you remember so much from that age. In contrast, I don't remember any of my teachers from any age, and I only remember one or two people from even high school, and only because I kept in touch with them after school! I have a terrible memory! :)
1) That's cool I would have never guessed that about you! I think many of us went through different
ReplyDeletephases growing up :)
2) I wasn't raised as a Christian either but my cousin introduced me to church at 15 years old :) Amen and praise God!
3) That is very young but still a blessing!
4) Congrats on that, 16 is young to get married too, I hope my daughter waits till she is 25!! lol.
5) You go girl, I am sure a good pop in the face would discourage many men from hitting again but that takes
a certain type of confidence that not all have.
6) I will pray that you are able to be less negative sometimes growing cynical in the world we live in today
is an easy trap to fall into. Hang onto that money chic... although I like to spend money too... who doesn't!
7) Aww I am sorry to hear that... have you been able to help anyone with that since you've grown up?
8) Addiction is an evil and hard thing to beat! I am glad you didn't get mixed up into that... again
look at your confidence shine :)
9) Cool :) I never liked math in school but I love it now!!
10) Awww high school sweethearts :)
11) Hahaha I used to talk all the time in school and would get in trouble in class lol!! Nothing
wrong with liking to talk... go for it!!
12) I will pray about your health hon.
13) Isn't that just the way it usually is :) interesting huh?
14) Family relationships are very dynamic, some good and some bad. I hope you're happy and continue
to do what is best and works for you.
15) Dust in the Wind... good song :) I too will catch smells sometimes that will take me back to way early
in my life.. isn't that neat!
16) I love to swim :) give me water any day!
17) Music is good medicine who cares if you do it well or not! Sing your song loud sweetie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
18) LOL I don't like to touch meat either... doesn't make me puke though! You poor thing!
19) I hope that one day you will feel more confident and not worry about what others "may" think! I
think you're wonderful and a neat person... it wouldn't matter to me what you looked like, did differently
in person!!
20) Very cool, our heritage is important and makes up some of our personalities! It's good to understand where
we came from.
Yeah you made it GOOD JOB!! Thanks for sharing these things.. I bet it wasn't easy!!!
LY bunches and hope you got some good rest!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (((HUGS)))
I enjoyed this. Some I knew, some I didn't. I am eagerly anticipating the one you write with only good things about yourself. If you can't think of any I WILL!! LOL Because I certainly can :O} I hope I didn't piss you off the other day with the comment about Prozac, but it really upsets me to keep hearing you talk down on yourself when I know and so do others here that you have some really good outstanding qualities about yourself. And if you say you don't, then what does that say about those of us who like you as a friend? I'm going to keep on you too each time I read something that you say about yourself that isn't true, too! I used to do the whole down on myself thing about being heavy and never thought twice about it and then my daughter got a really bad self image about herself because I had made so much emphasis about my weight without thinking about her being around, so seeing her inherit my bad self image was my wake up call to lighten up on myself some ... as hard as it was and still is. Funny most of us women are so critical about ourselves, and we never see the real beauty we do carry and when we hear other women talk down about their selves we wonder why they do that .... I hope you have a terrific night with hubby and the kiddos. I'm off to the drug store for my little one is sick and then to the grocery store, and t hen I have to cook dinner ... lol!
ReplyDeleteStopped in and am impressed! Man there is no way I could do 21 things about me lol! Well done!
ReplyDelete1) That's interesting...I used to like the punk look back in the 80's...its funny how we tried different styles that we probably would never as an adult!
ReplyDelete2) God is great, indeed.
3) wow I would have never guessed. I bet that was hard on you!
4) Okay now that I wouldnt have thought either...so young..is this your same hubby now?
5) good for you girl!
6) Dont we all! :) I have a lot of negativity too...its hard to stay positive all the time.
7) Gosh girl 7 times...i feel for you..what an awful thing to go through apparently with no help!
8) well yeah this is definately an addiction I think :) I am sorry that you didnt have more positive influences growing up.
9) Now I see why you want your GED so much! I hope you will be able to do it!
11) Expressing how you feel can sometimes lead to chaos but at least you are able to do it.
12) Sorry :(
13) I always wanted children..
14) That is some story, I am with you though..sounds like he didnt do his best and that would have upset me so badly...
15) Wow you have a fantastic memory!
16) whoa i had no clue that you went through something as horrible as that. No wonder you did the things that you did. I think you must be a really strong women today because of it all. That is an awesome dream! :)
17) Its probably very therapeutic for you and whether you sing well or not, its how good it makes ya feel!
18) I am like that with Turkey. I do NOT clean, touch or have any part of it. Thank goodness hubby doesnt mind!
19) I hope you can work through that because I have learned, by gaining some real life, friends that they really help by being there to lean on, bounce ideas off of, and just making you laugh!
20) How cool that you are in contact with your Australian relatives!
21) You made it! I learned ALOT about ya!
Wow...thanks for sharing all this and letting us know some really personal things. Ummm what did ya have for dinner? LOL!
ReplyDelete