Feeling right in a world that WAS wrong ....

And the forgivness of those who made me feel that way.

Just recently I experienced something that proved to me the measure of ones heart. In doing so I have learned an immense amount about people.

All of my life, admist my wonderfully great times of younger childhood, I have experienced some sort of mistrust through people. Many have hurt me in so many realms that I did not fathom ever being able to get through it to be anybody other than who they had always envisioned me to be. Negativity shrouded me in many ways and began to encompass me as a whole. As I have now spent most of my life living in a shrouded world because of this; I have just now realized what I LET them rob from me.
It is only now; with this that I can begin to heal and revolutionize myself to become who I was meant to be.
With the work of some dear, dear friends in my life I have realized my wrongs, my errors and my misjudgements ... as well as now coming to the realization that I must forgive those that have done wrongs to me, or for not, I; MYSELF, will have let them rob me forever to a life I would have never known. How can I sit and do this to myself as they have; I asked ... and simply I came with the answer, I can't. While I will be the first to tell you that I do not think that beauty astounds me in the least, I can however tell you that I was not deservant of any of the treatments that I recieved. Lowell, Indiana is ONE small town in a WHOLE world of towns. A world that is MINE, and that I can convince otherwise than just what the people in my old tiny town thought of me at one time. I am by far a much different person now, and the girl that was then, is not the same girl now. I do feel now that the person I was at that time, was just someone that I knew, a passer by, perhaps a friend or just someone I had gone to school with.
I can no longer say that I "hate" her, but I can say that I feel sorry for her and what she went through in life as a young maturing adult.
I know that I did not ask for, nor did I deserve what has gone in my life, but now I can come to the better understanding that it has happened for a reason. Forgiveness to myself as well as the many people who did such awfully, horrible things to a child who did not know better at the time (as I have previously explained) will have to be what I can only say will begin a journey into the real me and the life that I was meant to have.
I am greatly excited to see what happens next, this has been one long, drawn out road that I am sooo ready to get off of !

WOO HOO ...