THE " I HAVE TO BLOG" BLOG ....

What is it with me ??? What, do I just draw some form of drama to me or does life like me that much ?! Egaads.

I know some of you are asking what on earth could this be about now ? Well it is the joys of having a Facebook page, that is what it is.

Clearly, I did not think that those who have not followed the three years of my blogging just did not realize that things were the way they were in my life. Those of you who have been around me long enough or are privledged enough to get to know the real me, KNOW pretty much the whole jist of my life and what goes on on a daily basis here.

Then there are some who take what you say one time and blow it up into some form of a National Enquirer story. Like I am Kate, from John and Kate Plus 8 or something.

Enter - family.

Yep, my ever so intelligent brain had forgotten that I cannot be quite so open to everyone on FB as I am on Multiply with my blogs. It is no secret that I am an open book, but for crying out loud, if you don't know the whole story don't go blabbing like you do.

I realize that my mouth gets me into trouble quite alot, I am opinionated, stand up for things, and also don't keep things to myself, but I figured that my mother who don't and who prolly never will have a computer, would find things out from me instead of others. Niiice.

So I called my mom today. Through the grapevine those who didn't know a years worth of story told her bits and pieces.

So lets make this totally clear - here and now.

This all is NOT something that happened overnight. As a matter of fact my marriage is one that has been through the ringer since 1993. Yep, two years after we got married.I was 16 when I got married and that in itself should say something. What 16 year old has buisness being married ? Looking back, no 16 year old.

Both Adam and I were just too young and immature. We grew up together that way and thus our marriage is still, even now a product of mistakes made.

I have grown up alot and realized alot of things I wished I had before, but everyone does I think. That is just part of getting older. We make mistakes and the smart ones learn from them. Neither Adam or I are innocent in the avenue of looking outside the marriage, so for me to sit in judgement of him would clearly be wrong, however it all just came to a head over the last year when it was simply THE worst year of all we had ever had.

Adam had, what I call an affair, (To look at another in lust is adultery in the eyes of the Lord ) August of LAST year. It was done online with someone we had both gone to school with and thus he knew this would hurt me. Since that time, I totally just closed off. That was pretty much it. We also lost our house, the one we worked so hard for and gutted, putting 60 thousand worth of equity into. The title company when we bought the house screwed us - a lawsuit ensued over the land - land in which we thought was ours but ended up not to be. 3 acres which we cleared and cleaned, mowed and worked. Yet we were still supposed to pay the full price mortage with or without the acreage included. No ! so we headed for the lawsuit, could no longer afford the lawyers to fight and lost the house. This happened in August of last year as well. Come December, I found I was pregnant with baby number 6. (Wyatt, whom we lost January 31st.) Admist the choas of the last months stresses the year was totally scrap, it sucked, bad.  The Holidays were just plainly unjoyus and we couldn't afford alot. We had moved into a significantly smaller house that a guy from Church had to rent. I was thankful, yet extremely negative, stressed and resentful of the whole situation.

You see, we had our identity stolen in 2003. After 26,000 dollars was gone and our savings, we worked our butts off to get that house, fixing the credit and that was hard. We gutted the house and it was all gone. Not like even one thing mattered. We had bought the house for 124,000, and had it appraised for 210 a month before the lawsuit was settled. We lost all that money. Money lost AGAIN. and nothing to show for it.

So, you see, this all has not happened in just a matter of days or weeks. It has taken years. Years of things happening and things going on - some of you know and alot of resentment from these things still lingers.

I have expressed in many past blogs my feelings of the things going on. However if they were unread or you weren't around at that time to read them, then it should be stated that it is obvious that you should not paste together bits and pieces, then run and blab.

After 19 years of being married, things ... just happen.

Now would also be a good time to point out that Adam has NOT left the house as of yet. He stated that he wanted to and it was a thought. We have not spoken since, so I really cannot say which way this will go - however I know that God is on my side and I can and will get through this.

I thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and will keep you posted.

I just felt the need to clear the "tabloids" of the untruths.

TAMMIE