Ecclesiastes 3:1-3
*Warning !! This blog contains graphic photos ! *
* Please do not have children present or go any further, if you are squeemish.*
Saturday morning at 5 am, I was awoken to horrible EXCRUSIATING pains and bleeding.
It was so bad in fact that I woke up Adam and told him that I did not want to alarm him, but that I was going to drive myself to the hospital. (It is 2 blocks away from my house.) That I did and was checked in. The nurses got all the info and found the baby's heartbeat, the doctor gave me a pelvic exam and was alarmed - immediately giving me pain medication and admitting me. Once in my own room, I kept falling asleep and was told they would do an ultrasound in the afternoon. I met a few doctors as mine was out of town for the weekend and they were all pretty nice. At around 9:30am Adam came in, then around 11, the Doctor wheeled in the Ultrasound machine. She didn't seem to know much about it. They usually have a technician do it, she told me. Her other doctor (they call 'em teams) came in and showed her how to better work the machine and neither of them could no longer find a heart beat. They didn't panic, they said it could just be them not using the machine correctly. They said they would go, let me eat lunch, use the bathroom then return to re test and get some blood tests just to be sure and to see what could be done.
Immeadiately after they left, I went to use the bathroom. This is when my heart sank. PLOP .... is the only way I can describe it.
I was alarmed, they had - had a cup in the toilet, sort of to catch things, and what was looking back at me was awful looking. I called the nurse. She put on gloves and gave me gloves ... but we knew. We looked and she prodded. She pointed at this mass of what looked to be nothing other than a different color of goo. It was not. I pulled it up ... it was the head ... and the baby's body followed.
There was no doubt that even at this size, he was my little boy.
These are my hands that you see holding him.
You could see every finger, every toe, ears, lips, eyes and nose .. all to exact defined perfection. His foot - about the size of a grain of rice, His hands, so little - so nice. The details .. OH, in no way - can I even descibe the details of this day ....
We named him WYATT JOSIAH EWERT.
He was born today ..... 12 weeks old. He will always be my son.
IN MY HANDS FOR JUST A SHORT TIME, BUT FOREVER IN MY HEART.
I will always love you Wyatt !
I'll hold you once again when we meet in heaven.
Mommy
A prayer from me:
Lord .. I do not know your reason, but I loved my baby since the moment he existed. In my heart I believe, I will see him again one day, and I promise to have faith that I must trust you and know that you have a plan.
Lord, keep my baby near,
Until I can be there,
Hold him in your hands,
And give him all the love you can.
* PLEASE, out of love for our son, please respect our privacy, I ask that no one copy or reproduce these photos at any time.
Please, I also ask that you (my most trusted who have recieved this) keep this to yourself, my family and I would prefer that some people in blog land refrain from knowing what is going on in my life.
THANK YOU.
